Depression Isn’t A Joke
I can’t agree more with my friend when she said depression is a great danger and don’t play with it. Yes, depression isn’t a cheap figure of speech. It’s a high level of stress which your mind can’t control sometimes.
Have you ever felt like you were alone and nobody cares about you?
Have you felt a deep loneliness?
Those are examples when you are depression. When you hold so many burdens on your mind and you don’t know how to make it better. Yes, you have friends. Yes, you talk to them. But, none of them understands you.
Abuse is one of the reason why anyone can feel depression — maybe the strongest reason — which they live with deep traumatic. But, there is another reason which can lead a person to the depression feeling.
What is it?
It’s a common thing, broken home person has negative stereotype. Few of them drown theirselves to drugs, violence, messed-up life, and etc. Their life is broken. Their happiness tears apart. They feel empty.
It’s a wound without chemical medicine to cure. Maybe, it seems like you just break up with your boyfriend or girlfriend (sometimes it can lead you too to depression), but it’s more than that.
Some friends said to me, “Hei, why are these people is so weak and easy to give it up?”
No, there is no easy way when you choose to live in this world. There is no easy way to keep cheer up no matter what. Maybe, you will be seen so fragile or so vulnerable. But, they don’t know how the hell these person lives.
Instead to figure something out, you find peace by entering a world you have no idea what the worst consequence is. That’s why once enter this world, there is no way out. Or takes really long time to finally find the way out.
But, not every broken home person lives that way. Some of them (I don’t know it’s minority or not) try to live with the burdens. You don’t want to drown into dark world instead you choose to give it up. Give yourself to whatever the dark want you to be.
This condition borns a deep loneliness into yourself. You walk around but there is nobody here to be with you. There is nobody here to listen to you. Because, when this burdens is growing on your head day to day, until just God know when it stop.
So, you have two options: holding on or give it up — die. At least these options are surrounding the head. But, why these options are exist?
When you lost your parents, you also lost a part of you — as I said above. Especially, when you are not child anymore. You understand about love, lies, letting go, separation, and etc. You begin to understand this life and then it’s broken apart. You see that every happiness you felt before is just lies.
You keep believing it, day to day, until it makes you crazy. You love to be in the darkness even you refuse to live in the dark world. And you know what is the crazy fact? You try to believe you are gonna be okay, make it balances, live in two side (because your parents broke up) and sees they are starting a new life.
You are happy as they think you are. But deep inside, you know, it breaks you more.
And as it can’t stop to grow, the craziness is also growing and borns a new level of itself: depression.
You have no idea what are you doing in this life. Why you can’t move on — to another dimension which you can forget everything and live happily? Why you think you have people around you but nobody cares? Why you live normally but the loneliness is swallowing you apart?
The darkness now become a part of your life. You don’t know what to do else. You don’t know how to keep yourself alive. You wanna cry — you can’t. You wanna scream — you can’t. You wanna break everything near you — you can. You wanna talk — not everyone wants to listen any stories, and not easy to find a right person. You wanna move on — but this problem just keep coming back.
So, tell me, is this a joke?
No, my friend. There is no joke for depression. And it’s not a cheap figure of speech. Because it has different level with stress. And when you have friend which feeling like this, embrace them. Listen to them. Because they only need to be listened. They only need good friends to talk so they will not feel lonely.
And, why I write this? How dare I, write something I don’t know?
No, my friend. I write it down because this is the life I’ve been living for.
So, it doesnt matter what you judge. If you think this is a shit, please, don’t read and leave it alone.