Daniel Ryan Cotler
4 min readMar 27, 2024

Triangulation Creating Chaos and Isolation

Triangulation is a complex and insidious tactic frequently used by individuals with narcissistic personality disorder (NPD) to manipulate and control their victims. It operates under the premise of involving a third party to distort, confuse, and isolate the victim. By creating a web of chaos and discord, the narcissist effectively maintains power and control over their victim's emotions, perception, and behavior.

The foundation of triangulation lies in the narcissist's ability to exploit the insecurities and vulnerabilities of the victim. Intentionally or unintentionally, the narcissist enhances a sense of competition between the victim and the third party, cultivating feelings of jealousy, inadequacy, and self-doubt within the victim. This emotional turmoil creates a fertile ground for the narcissist to exert control, further deepening the victim's dependency on their approval and validation.

One of the primary ways narcissists initiate triangulation is by subtly praising or admiring the very person they simultaneously foster conflict with. This mechanism seeds seeds of doubt within the victim's mind about their own worth, desirability, or abilities. The narcissist may compare the victim to the perceived superior qualities of the third party, consistently highlighting their achievements, physical appearance, or charm. As the victim internalizes these comparisons, they begin to question their own value and may feel a constant need to prove themselves to the narcissist. This power imbalance allows the narcissist to manipulate the victim's emotions at will, exploiting their vulnerability for their own gain.

In addition to psychological manipulation, triangulation also relies heavily on the manipulation of information. The narcissist is skilled in selectively disclosing information to each party involved, creating a distorted and fragmented narrative. By withholding key details or exaggerating occurrences, the narcissist further undermines the victim's ability to discern the truth independently. This manipulation fosters a state of perpetual confusion, mistrust, and suspicion, all designed to blind the victim to the narcissist's true intentions.

Furthermore, the introduction of a third party through triangulation serves to isolate the victim from potential sources of support and validation. The narcissist skillfully targets the victim's relationships with friends, family members, or romantic partners, gradually eroding their connections and replacing them with an unhealthy reliance on the narcissist for companionship and emotional sustenance. This intentional isolation creates a sense of emotional imprisonment, making it exceedingly difficult for the victim to seek outside perspectives, maintain healthy relationships, or gather the strength to break free from the narcissist's control.

The e effects of triangulation can have far-reaching consequences on the victim's well-being. The constant state of competition and comparison erodes their self-esteem, leaving them perpetually uncertain about their own worthiness. The distorted information feeds their confusion and undermines their ability to trust their own judgment, creating a pervasive sense of self-doubt. The isolation intensifies their dependence on the narcissist for emotional connection, fostering a harmful cycle of seeking validation from an already manipulative and unreliable source. In severe cases, triangulation can lead to anxiety, depression, and a loss of identity as the victim becomes enmeshed in the narcissist's distorted reality.

Recovering from the profound e effects of triangulation is a complex and arduous process. Firstly, survivors must recognize the intricate nature of this manipulative tactic and its severe impact on their overall well-being. Education and understanding the dynamics of narcissistic abuse are vital in breaking free from the emotional shackles imposed by the narcissist.

Seeking professional help and therapy is a crucial step in the journey towards healing and reclaiming one's autonomy. Therapists specializing in narcissistic abuse can provide guidance, validation, and support during this challenging period. Through therapy, survivors can gain insight into the narcissist's tactics, unravel the layers of manipulation, and rebuild their sense of self-esteem and self-worth. Therapists can also help survivors navigate the depths of their emotions, challenge distorted beliefs instilled by the narcissist, and develop coping mechanisms to rebuild their sense of self.

Building a reliable support network is equally important. Surrounding oneself with empathetic and trustworthy friends, family members, and professionals creates a safe space to express emotions, gain perspective, and receive validation outside the influence of the narcissist. These relationships act as a buffer against isolation, restoring the survivor's ability to trust, love, and connect with others authentically.

To fully recover from the e effects of triangulation, survivors must reestablish a healthy sense of self-worth. This involves challenging the internalized comparisons and insecurities, and learning to validate oneself from within. Engaging in self-care practices, practicing self compassion, and rediscovering personal interests and passions can help survivors regain a sense of identity separate from the narcissist's influence.

Ultimately, overcoming the impact of triangulation requires survivors to reclaim their sense of self-worth and develop healthy boundaries. By challenging the internalized comparisons and insecurities, survivors can gradually regain control of their lives, free from the suffocating grip of the narcissist's manipulation. With perseverance, self-compassion, and support, survivors can emerge stronger, more resilient, and ready to live a life of authenticity and self-empowerment.

Daniel Ryan Cotler

Best Selling Poet and Author Narcissistic Abuse Recovery Coach amd 9 time suicide attempt survivor.