What has Happened to our Men?
I am raising sons, growing and shaping two boys into beautiful men. I take it very seriously, I have an intention for my sons, I am raising brave, conscious, connected, fearless men in how they live and love, who are unapologetic for who they are. Men that can bring their hearts desires to life, who understand the true meaning of happiness and self love.
To be brutally honest, most of my life I’ve been disappointed by the world of men. The men in my life have been crippled with ego, rage, anger, inadequacy, failure, laziness, selfishness. They were emotionally stifled and unwilling to change, and left me to take control and get it done. Even though that carried a price, I am genuinely grateful for this adversity in my life because l know with certainty, it is where my self belief and resilience came from.
Having boys completely changed my perspective of men. I knew nothing about boys, growing up with a sister, so when I had my first born, I suddenly developed a thirst for knowledge about boys. I started to explore and gain a deeper understanding into boys and men, in the hope of gaining insight into raising my sons to and feel free, happy and be empowered.
Fast forward eight years and my current perspective on men has completely changed. I am a boy and man champion, I love men, all of them, even the broken ones, I endeavor to understand why they do what they do. I find men magnificent, brave and sensitive, fierce and protective and loving, they really are extraordinary creatures. Simple in many ways yet complex when you get to know them deeply. I also find men beautiful, there is nothing quite like being embraced by a man.
I am fortunate to have some beautiful men in my life, who love and expand me in so many ways.
I work with many men, successful, bright, powerful, good men. l help them to change their perceptions of themselves and their masculinity, unlock their limitations and transform their lives and the way they run and their companies. I have a glorious career and love, with my whole heart each and every man I work with, it’s beautiful journey and process to go through.
But l think men as a collective have lost their way, l think they need a revolution, a breakthrough, they need to redefine their masculinity, give themselves permission to be open and vulnerable and brave and fearless, not one or the other.
Women are changing, becoming more empowered, being heard and saying no more. But our men, our fathers, brothers and sons are floundering in self doubt, inadequacy, blame, jealousy, fear and aggression. l think they are unsure of how to feel and act in the world now that times are changing. They need to grow and evolve and we all need to take responsibility for our boys and men, we can all help.
So what can we do? Firstly, to all the beautiful mums out there, stop pandering to your boys. We need to be their soft place to land but we also need to teach our boys self-sufficiency and independence, so they grow confidence and don’t seek women to mother them when they are men.
We need to let them fall out of trees, take risks and hurt themselves. We need to let physical pain teach them boundaries and their limitations while they are young so they can take risks and be fearless men.
We need to make sure they lose and fail, often, so they can learn how to recover, bounce back and self care when they are men. So they can rise up instead of recoil, shrink and fall into apathy, deep depression and take their lives because they are not equipped to fail.
We need to give them boundaries and consequences when they are aggressive, manipulative, and selfish, so they understand their impact, feel remorse, have empathy and learn compassion.
We need to teach them to take full ownership of their emotions and cultivate their own happiness so they can process and heal instead of avoid and gratify with things like alcohol and sex.
We need to teach them about love, romance and sex from a woman’s perspective and help them harness their sexuality so they don’t objectify women, void fill and take advantage of them.
We need to teach them how to be strong and integral with women so they don’t lose themselves, become obsessed or get controlled. They need to be open and vulnerable as well, so they can express their feelings, be heard, get their needs met, meet their partners needs and have healthy relationships.
We need to teach our boys to feel worthy for free, to feel whole and happy with themselves just as they are. We need to remind them they need nothing external and that they don’t have to win every time, be successful, or rich, or have a perfect looking woman on their arm to feel accomplished and fulfilled. We need to help them remember that they are enough just as they are, that they don’t need to prove anything to anyone, not even themselves.
To the frightened men of the world, the ones who have lost your voice, your power, your right for happiness, it’s never too late to master fearlessness and take back your life. You can be brave now and stand up for yourself, say no more to the bully’s, or yes to writing that book, or taking that trip. Say no to your wife with love, and know that it’s okay to ask for more love, affection and sex from your partner. The only way to become fearless is to do the thing that that confronts you the most, you will be terrified doing it but fearless after. You earn your fearlessness, it doesn’t get given to you.
To the powerful and good-hearted men of the world, l ask you lead the way, to care, to weigh in and help one broken man, an abusive man, a violent man, a depressed man, a lost man, a shallow man and really commit to his growth or recovery. Don’t shame or abuse him, don’t avoid or ignore him, tell him the truth, hold him accountable, teach him, forgive him, hug him, love him consistently and do it for life. Be his mentor, his life sponsor in the hope that we help the world of men return to right mindedness. Good men need to teach broken men.
Men of the world it’s time to reclaim your masculine power. Masculinity is not about being strong or tough, it’s being fearless and vulnerable, comfortable with yourself as you are. It’s time to open your arms and hearts, tell each other the truth, hold each other accountable and have the courage to live the life you’ve been either denying or too scared to claim, please find the courage to be all that you are.
Women of the world, don’t hate men, they need us now more than ever. We need to continue to hold them accountable and make them take responsibility when they hurt us or are destructive. We NEED them to heal, to change and rehabilitate, so our daughters, our girlfriends, our mothers and sisters are safe. Shame doesn’t heal or change anything, only responsibility, love and forgiveness will do that. We need to remember we are raising men and we need to help our boys become good, healthy, happy men.
Let’s all take part in helping the world of men transform, one man at a time.