No Story Arc Required

The perfect use for old family videos

When I was considering the move from New Jersey to California to care for my mother, who has Alzheimer’s, I called an old friend who brought her husband’s mother, similarly afflicted, into her home. Among other things, Barbara told me that they had to take care that her mother-in-law only watches peaceful, happy videos because she will confuse what was happening on the screen with real life.

Well, I thought, that’s bizarre. That will never happen to my mother.

Two months in, that has happened to my mother. I realized it one day when she beckoned me to her bed, pulled me close, and whispered, “The police are in the house, and they have guns. I’m terrified.”

I told her that the policeman is our friend, and that I was not scared because I had not done anything illegal. I have since learned that logic is lost on a person with dementia. She said she would not feel safe until they were gone. By now I had gotten used to the white lies which a compassionate caregiver must tell, soI assured her that they had left.

I realized that she had been watching the old television show Emergency! So that’s where she got the idea, and the emotion associated with it. I changed the channel.

We got a DVD player and I tried to find nice, soothing, happy movies and television shows. I realized that even the most mild programs have some sort of suspense or peril, because without conflict, there would be no plot. Even the lovely animated The Tale of Peter Rabbit is fraught with tension as Peter is pursued by the terrifying Mr McGregor, whose wife, the story goes, has already put Peter’s father into a pie.

I found some old family videos and realized these answer my purpose, as they have no plot. Usually, the performers are on their best behavior. And they kids are really cute. The pacing of these old movies is horribly slow, so it’s easy to just be in the moment with the family. Perfect.