Expectations and Reality Check
The other day I was out with a couple of friends, just a regular thing, we were sharing how was life and so forth. After that conversation, I felt down and as if I wasn’t actually happy with the way things were going (when I know I am). I was observing that sensation and wondering where did it come from? How did the insecurity and that sense of frustration appeared? I clearly wasn’t fully confident on myself and my choices and somehow that encounter affected me.
How environment affects us
Have you ever noticed how when there is a divorce the expected emotion is sadness and/or anger? However, depending on the circumstances, the main emotion may be that of relief, lightness or even joy? And when someone dies the expected emotion is always grief, however, depending on the circumstances, there may be a sense of relief or overall completed cycle. I am not saying this to undermine the most common emotions that come with these life changing events, but we are so blinded by the states we are expected to feel according to the circumstances, by what society dictates we should feel, that we may be bypassing (and therefore jeopardising) our emotional compass.
It all comes down to the “emotional dark age”(1) we’ve been living in. Emotions are here to serve us, but in order for them to complete their role, we need to know them and become aware of them, we need to know ourselves so completely well that we are conscious of what is it that we actually feel in any given moment. For most of us, this is a challenge as we didn’t learn or were trained to do it. In fact, we grew up doing the exact opposite, meaning being prepared to act and react in society and being told how we should feel about certain things or about certain people. We rely more on words than on vibrations.(2) We learn from a very young age to wear masks, they are so ingrained in us, that they become a part of us and we fall into oblivion, forgetting who we truly are. It’s like we live with a stranger and we don’t actually know who is the person inside our skin. We have been using the mask so well, that we’ve become identified with it.
We are not sensitive to how people, society’s norms and expectations and even places affect our wellbeing. We are not aware how the food we choose to eat, the spaces we move in or the clothes we decide to wear have an active role in our energy and, consequently, can be energy givers or energy takers.(3) We’re not even aware of the principle of entrainment.(4) There is no “one fits all solution”, this is something we must analyse personally in each area of our lives to discover how we are being affected. This is also something we have to be deeply paying attention to, especially when what we feel or the way we want to live does not fit in society’s norms and boxes. It is about knowing and accepting our dharma (5), our very nature and about not compromising who we truly are.
As I looked back to that conversation, I realised that my friends were projecting their fears and dissatisfaction in my choices and current state. That projection affected me, because I felt like I should be feeling what they were saying, I felt like I shouldn’t feel comfortable in a situation that society doesn’t see as a comfortable one. My fears and insecurities from childhood and maybe from the collective unconscious (6) were popping up and making me feel insecure. It was as if I needed their approval and, therefore, I should be feeling what they were expressing and not what I was actually feeling.
When people — especially dear ones — question our choices it is challenging to stay on the path with unshakable confidence. Being conscious of this challenge is the exact key that allows us to have the necessary perspective to step out of these masks and impositions into our true self.
It is about time we regain control by taking an active look into ourselves and realising who we actually are, not what norms dictate we should be. It is about time that we focus on being, rather than on expectations and possessions. The societies we live in are formed by each of us. We are the society! Acting from a true being is the stepping stone for a truthful world where there really is room for diversity.
(1) — Shadows Before Dawn by Teal Swan
(2) — The Biology of Belief by Bruce Lipton
(3) — Power vs Force by David R. Hawkins
(4) — The Completion Process by Teal Swan
(5) — The Bhagavad Gita by Vyasa
(6) — Man and His Symbols by Carl Gustav Jung