The Best/Worst Egg Freezing Ultrasound

I was recounting to a friend about the most impactful ultrasound I had during my egg freezing process. I had been experiencing intense emotions (fear, anxiety, grief, sadness) for five days and my friends and family were concerned that the increased stress would impact the quantity and quality of my eggs. The reasons for my emotional responses were valid albeit fueled by my skyrocketing estrogen levels. I felt alone during a vulnerable time in my life, and had learned my ex-partner was seeing someone new. Cue all the feels and deep maturity. I’ve found my story isn’t an uncommon one for a single woman going through egg freezing: long-term partnership, years of family planning and promises, the relationship unexpectedly not working out, needing to take the destiny of motherhood into my own hands.
I was laying back on the table, feet in the stirrups, wearing just a sweatshirt and a sheet to cover my lady parts when the doctor and a nurse walked in with a sweet smile and asked how I was doing. I immediately broke down in tears. I let them know about the deeply painful news I had discovered that week about my ex and how my people were concerned that the cortisol would impact the process. I opened my heart and just poured it all out. I let them know that I was focusing on handling the emotions the best way I knew how. I told them I reminded myself each day that the goal was to be a great Mom to these eggs and to center myself to support their development no matter what life was serving me (a trait I feel is key to motherhood in general).
Empathizing with me, the doctor lightly touched my knee and said “We’re doing this for You.”
I can’t tell you how empowering this advice was and continued to be as I walked through the egg-development process. For too long I had given away my power and family decision-making timeline to my ex-partner who could never fully commit to our dream of building a family. The process of egg freezing was about reclaiming my long-held desire of motherhood, my intuition, my choice. It was about saying “yes” to myself first before anyone and anything else and feeling strength in that choice.
My doctor reassured me that all women going through this process experience some form of anxiety, stress, and depression and that it doesn’t affect the quality or quantity of the eggs. I couldn’t express just how relieved I was when she said that. As big, warm tears streamed down my face, I expressed gratitude for her sisterhood and medical expertise. I felt completely held, safe, and ready to start my Day 5 ultrasound.
*7 days after this ultrasound my doctors at UCSF retrieved 17 eggs and 13 were frozen. Note: I started with 18 follicles and was 35 at the time.
