A Very Short Essay on Connection and its Value for Mental Health

natalie wilkinson
Sep 9, 2018 · 4 min read
Self-portrait Mental State

The first time I felt seen and heard on the issue of mental health, was when I opened the book An End To Panic. It was just the first few pages that described what I was going through that hit me. I realized, “Oh my god there is a book about this ?”

For so long I had felt so alone because I didn’t have the words to describe what I was going through. I couldn’t stop it from happening because I didn’t know what was happening or why. And suddenly, there it was in black and white letters on a page for everyone to read. Other people were going through it too.

When I think about the most important developments in my understanding of my self and my mental health it was the moments when I connected with someone who truly understood where I was at that moment because they had been there themselves. That book opened up the possibility that I could meet people with my issues and talk about it with them. That’s what I have done, over and over and over. It’s helped me build a vocabulary, a better awareness, compassion for myself and others, and lasting friendships. I think one of the biggest mistakes a person going through mental health issues is thinking that it’s their problem to deal with alone. To that person reading this, you don’t have to. It doesn’t make you a stronger person for keeping it inside. Reach out. In doing so you are sure to find someone who understands you and you will probably help that person too.

In college, I had a professor, more or less, like me. He encouraged me to make art through my issue and made me aware of other artists going through the same thing. So I bought big thick paper, a variety of graphite pencils, and listened to Sia on repeat. He told me if it the art I was making, even the messed up parts of this art, came from that place, the place the art was about, it couldn’t be wrong. This was the most beautiful lesson I learned in college. What made me suffer made me unique, made me original. Sure it’s a cliche we have all heard since we were kids, but you never really understand the value in those sayings until you lived the lesson, and that semester I did.

I painted and drew pictures of my prescriptions, larger than lifesize because they took up more space in my life than their tiny pill bottle form. The drawings are rough, sketchy, incomplete, imperfect, and perfect all at the same time. They are the story of the darker moments of my life.

Continuing with the darker moments. I lost nearly all of my friends from college, mostly due to my issue. But I didn’t just lose them, I learned from the loss. I learned that I had to deal with my issue. It wasn’t one I could ignore or half-way address. Which brings me to the other important connection I’ll talk about here: the friends I made after college.

Once I started to address my issue fully, with a therapist and psychiatrists, with daily lists, meditation, medication, and routines, then stronger friendships started to form. For the first time to another human being, I was “the rock” I was the “grounded one”. Getting to be in that role meant so much to me. I was able to connect with people going through what I was going through but still able to keep progressing. As my therapist always says, “you can hold both”. Make the connection, acknowledge your issue, move on with your life.

For this reason, I have found that a lot of Drs. are wary of giving out the label “depression” “bipolar” anything with the word “disorder”. I think this is because they don’t want to influence people into stagnation. (if they are a good dr. they will be wary of this at least) But again, you are more than your issue. Everyone has something they are dealing with, a reason that makes waking up or falling asleep difficult. You can take the label, use it to teach yourself about your symptoms, and continue on.

My progression looks sort of like a stock market chart, three steps forward two steps back, a quick rise and a collapse. Luckily my stock is generally going up. How far is the limit? I don’t know, but I am going to push it there one day at a time.

My point here is that mental health awareness never stops. You are not suddenly aware and then done. It can be in every breathe if only you take the time to check in, reset, maybe throw some validation in there, and then make your next decision …or don’t. You can just be too.

Sometimes, in just being, the most unlikely connections form. We find our greatest “Ahas!” and the most unlikely friends. Today I went out to pass out resumes. On a whim, I went to the tutoring center and for the first time since I moved out here, I feel like I made a friend out in my new neighborhood. It wasn’t in my planner but I was open and receptive to it happening so it did :)

That's my quick share for mental health awareness month. If anyone wants to talk about anything they’ve read here or just about mental health in general feel free to drop me a line. I hope this month you take the time to find new ways to connect to the people around you and with yourself, or maybe just open up to the possibility of a new connection.

Peace

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