How I discovered that rude waiters usually get tipped more than nice ones

I was at this Mexican restaurant last night with my friend and I can’t understand their terrible service. I’ve been there many times and have consistently had bartenders snapchat for 10 minutes or make phone calls before making my drink.

Thing is, this is New York and they have really good food and strong, reasonably-priced margaritas. Cash rules everything around me, ya know?

I ordered 2 meaty gorditas and 1 veggie. We got the gorditas. There were 4 of them (wrong). And there were no veggie ones (offensively wrong) but I couldn’t tell about this one and so I ate it and halfway through I hit the chorizo and was all, “Fuck. Now I have to tell him he or the chef fucked up. LIFE IS UNFAIR.”

Here’s our interaction:

Me: Hi! I ordered two veggie and one meat gordita but we accidentally got all meat ones —

Hipster douche waiter (HDW): No. (Please, love it when men cut off women) You ordered two meat and one veggie. (Wrong again)

Me: (jaw actually dropped) Ok… well regardless of what I ordered these are all meat and I’m a vegetarian so…

HDW: I’ll have him make you a veggie one.

Did this asshat just accuse me of causing this problem? Is he incapable of adding 1+2? Am I in a parallel universe where you can unapologetically feed chorizo to someone who doesn’t eat fucking smart and cute pigs? HOW CAN YOU NOT APOLOGIZE FOR THAT?

My friend’s jaw was also on the floor. We couldn’t stop laughing after the dude left because I honestly don’t get angry at trivial shit like this. I laugh it off and save my anger for important stuff — catcallers and the fact that lots of Americans have voted for a bombastic racist who thinks his daughter is hot.

My friend confirmed what I ordered, shared my disbelief, but then told me that apparently mean waiters make slightly more money in tips than nice ones. This was mind-blowing, but made sense. Because my first reaction was to kill that tattooed, condescending motherfucker with kindness. I went to the bathroom and flashed a huge, dumb grin at him as I passed. We made eye contact for too long and then he looked away without changing his face.

Larger injustices have been done, but my question is: wouldn’t this shithead be happier if he just… acted happier? Not only did I do nothing wrong, we had no bad interactions before this mistake.

I don’t get it! If it was a one-off thing at this place, I wouldn’t write about it. But everyone at this restaurant is a dickhead.

They statistically make more in tips than nice waiters, though. Nice guys (or girls or whoever) finishing fucking last again.