Soft, open and gentle. What if this is resilience?

Natalie Goni
Aug 8, 2017 · 3 min read

What do you think of when you hear the word resilience?

Being tough, strong, bouncing back, hard & unbreakable? Something that holds steadfast against stresses and strains?

Me too.

When you Google image the word resilience, you’ll see pictures of big defiant oak trees, kids dressed as super heroes, solid metal chains, rocks, mountains, plants growing through concrete and male lions.

‘Building resilience’ in people is a term often talked about in business and leadership. It implies building strength in order to withstand competing priorities, working across multiple time zones, pace and increasing volumes of work. It’s become a need in response to working and living in a world that is ever more volatile, uncertain, complex and ambiguous (or VUCA if you’re partial to an acronym).

We’re all trying to figure out how we navigate our lives in the fast lane.

Described above as ‘the capacity to recover quickly from difficulties: toughness’. This can be true but how do we build it or maintain it?

Reslience can be described in many different ways. Some people have it in bucket loads, naturally, some people don’t. Sometimes as a result of a tough childhood or a sheer constant desire to achieve and not give up.

I think that to be build our resilience in a world that is unlikely to slow down or get less simple, what’s required is a different approach.

What if resilience wasn’t about being hard, tough and strong? What if it was about being soft, open and gentle?

This feels pretty radical, especially if we’re talking in the context of business, corporate organisations and leadership.

What if building your resilience was about softening the hard edges, so you can flow more with life instead of painfully resisting the blows.

What if being resilient was about being kinder to yourself? Noticing the words that you tell yourself, when get angry with yourself, when you make a mistake or things go ‘wrong’.

What if being resilient was about insisting on creating space for yourself to think, to reflect, to just be. To not beat yourself up if you’re not busy being busy every minute of the day?

What if being resilient is not trying to control everything in your life? Making decisions and then allowing things to unfold without trying to always predict the outcome.

What if being resilient is about connecting into your body for the wisdom that it holds? Instead of it just being the vehicle that takes your head from meeting to meeting. More consciously consuming, knowing what gives you energy and moving your body in ways that nourish and give you energy rather than depleting it.

What if resilience is about taking the time to know and understanding yourself better?

Understanding what triggers an emotional response in you and why. Enabling you to take a step back and react in a way that’s healthier for you and the other person. Understanding that you are reacting to the sensation of that trigger (the person or situation) rather than the trigger itself.

Making time for quiet reflection, journaling, getting feedback, coaching.

What if resilience is about nurturing and nourishing yourself — nutritionally, emotionally, physically and spiritually?

What if resilience is about nurturing and nourishing the other people in your life and work and watching them grow their resilience too?

What if.

Natalie Goni

Written by

Leadership Coach for the ambitious and the unconventional. Hong Kong and the World. I coach from the heart to the human soul.

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