Honoring Deep Desires and Breaking Up with Love [Our Story]

This post was published on my website and Sex the Podcast in March 2016.

As most of you probably know, I have been in a romantic relationship with Bob Schwenkler for the past year and a half, building an incredible life together.

Living together, creating a podcast together, growing a successful sex and relationship coaching business together, taking care of our cat-babies together…It’s been a blessing in so many ways, and like any other couple we have also come face to face with deep wounding and challenges within the relationship.

Over time, and through processing and healing together, we’ve realized that some of these challenges are not ones we’re able to grow through within our romantic relationship at this point in time.

We would affectionately call them ‘little BIG things’ that were preventing us from having the kind of relationship we wanted. And this is the case with a lot of relationships we have seen … there are so many things that are great, and yet, there are fundamental things that are not working or don’t align.

It is scary and hard to think that letting go is what is needed, yet in order for all parties to get freed up to truly have what they want, letting go is crucial.

With that, we decided to come to completion in our relationship (the romantic, build a life with each other piece). As painful as it has been to come to this place, we know it is right for each of us.

There is freedom and expansion in the decision as we transition to the next chapter for us (business partners and friends).

A lot of the decision for me was about my deep desire to have a life partner. There was another desire that popped up that was ever present, but I never gave it any love or attention (I talk about this more in the video).

As hard as Bob and I tried to ‘make it work’, our timelines were off and our ‘trying’ ended up feeling more like suffering. At the end of the day, we both needed to honor ourselves and those deep desires we have. When I approached Bob with my need to separate, it was from a place of extreme love for myself and him.

I saw how this choice would free us both up to have what we truly want in sex, love and relationship.

A few weeks after the decision, we spent it together ‘transition’ traveling, which was so good to have as we brought a lot of love and intention and healing into the separation.

On our second to last day together we spent the day at the beach on a gorgeous hike and did a completion ritual for our relationship. A wise woman I met in a women’s intensive workshop I did shared with me how she honored her relationships by doing rituals, so I created one for Bob and I to experience together.

On our last day together we filmed a video.

It was a beautiful and powerful way to honor, heal, and love each other through the transition.

Lord knows we have all had painful breakups. The relationships that went down in flames. Anger, disappointment, deep sadness, so many things left unsaid, and so much love left unacknowledged.

We wanted to do different and love each other as much, if not more so, during our transition.

Our joint mission is to heal people’s hearts and create more open, loving communication in relationships all around the world. We know that the most powerful way we can do this is by modeling what we preach.

Please watch the video below as we share our story with you. It is a half hour video but worth the watch, we let you in with lots of vulnerability, transparency and honesty.

https://youtu.be/fnQ-gRRM6-M