DailyME 4: Do not take your eyes off the goal

or was it the ball? Well, not in my case

I was in bed soundly asleep at 8pm, when someone knocked on my door. The light was on and I didn’t answer but thank God that somene knocked cause I had somewhere to be at 9 and I had to get ready.

So I did.

I didn’t want to, but I got dressed and I went to that secrety secrety place.

And I had an amazing conversation with a total stranger while other stranger was constantly looking at me.

I liked his eyes, that’s one of the reasons I shot glances at him and caught him staring at me.

He had a very pleasant face with a 3-day stubble and piercingly sapphire eyes.

I could almost feel myself fall for someone like that, for him in particular.

But let’s recap, I’ve done that, 4 months ago and let’s not rehash how that turned out.

Nope, I won’t fall for guys with beautiful eyes and pleasant faces anymore.

I need value. I need him to bring something to the table. I need more than cheesy lines and sweeter than chocolaty chocolate words. I need action. I need consistency.

I want a man. Not a boy who can only blabber.

Someone with integrity, someone who’d turn the world upside down to be with me.

Because I’ve had enough of “men” who throw me away like a broken appliance.

Which apparently I was for them, if they tossed it.

I remember how the first last kiss with HIM felt. I met him at the bus station and I couldn’t believe what I felt when I kissed him. It’s like he and me were alone in the world and we mattered and we exsisted beyond space and time, just the two of us.

It was the best kiss ever.

I can almost feel it now, and I’m almost crying again, because I wish it didn’t end. I wish that kiss could last forever.

But in a way, his and my story ended before it could turn into a story I had to live through exactly a year ago. That’s the upside.

Although, on the other hand, breaking up when you both want to be together doesn’t make any sense. It rips one’s heart out right from the chest.

And that is more painful than two people realizing that there’s nothing there anymore, no more feelings and no more desire to be together.

I hope I stop writing about HIM soon enough, because I’m tired of being this sad, experienced blue-eyed girl who can’t have a decent relationship with a guy.

Because, well, they just use her for their own purpose and then…it’s all over.

She is left with a broken heart and broken spirit that is hidden beneath the lovely smile and natural ability to not be an asshole to people.

Let’s keep my eyes on the goal.

My multiple goals. My education. My growth. My family. My sanity, my peace of mind. My work and my writing. My development.

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Thank you for reading ♥