The urge to say the fake “I love you”

Egypt, Soma Bay

I’ve been tempted so many times, I stopped counting after 2 digits. Why was I so eager to say “I love you” even though I knew I didn’t and I don’t. But there are still times when I talk to him during the day and want just to say it and that’s it. Maybe my subconscious thinks that if I say that I might actually feel it?

If you’d rather listen, click here =)

But what do I feel IN TIMES when I want to say the fake “I love you”?

I feel like he could be the one

I feel like he’s the best “fake” (or maybe not so fake) boyfriend ever

I feel like he makes me wanna be GREAT (not only for myself but for all the world to see how great I can be)

I feel like he’s flawless (which he’s probably not, but I just like him too much)

I feel butterflies or gnats or pterodactyls..

I feel the need to just lie beside him, sleep in one bed and make breakfast before he gets up

I feel like this could be real and I’m afraid it isn’t, cause we’re always on the phone and not in person, ever. (We live in different countries)

I feel like this might be over real soon

I fear all this chemistry won’t be there when we meet (I learned the hard way)

Sometimes I just want to pinch him, cause he’s soooo cute

I kinda hate lovingly being a sweet idiot with him, and how he mocks me about it

He knows the right time to say things and what to say, he feels it too

You are beautiful. I love the way you smile, the sound of your voice relaxes me and makes me comfortable, your eyes… your beautiful eyes… you know that I love them, I like the way you think and how patient and still sweet you are to me. I also like how you help me get rid of my barricades in my head =) all in all, I’m happy to have you =) xx ♥

I couldn’t believe HE wrote me this.

There were times when I most certainly wouldn’t have believed that A GUY could write this. =) Sometimes I think they are all dickheads (sorry, guys)

So here I am, trying not to blurt out “I love you”, cause that would be pretty stupid. I don’t even know what love is and how you are supposed to feel when YOU ARE IN LOVE.

As a result, I struggle not to say the fake “I love you” to those who’ve been saying “I love you’s” to me since a long time and not to say the fake “I love you” to the person I might someday really have a chance to love for real and to discover for myself how it feels.