How to fall deeply in love with yourself…

When you are losing your best friend, and your best friend happens to be your lover, it’s very confusing. You find yourself looking for advice from the one person you always go to for advice , about each other.

You: “We are not working right now. What should I do?”
Best friend: “Well, you know what we always say, let go of what you cannot control”
You: “So… you want me to give up on you?”

What I am learning, is that when you are losing your best friend, the best, maybe even only way to get through it, is to find a new best friend. That new best friend is YOU.

You’ll have to dig deep, it’s not easy going to yourself for all the answers, when you had a perfectly capable companion by your side to lean on.

You’ll have to have a clear head. The experience could draw you into a deeply sad and hopeless place. A place while you are in it, may make you feel like you may never escape. This is where you MUST fall deeply in love with yourself. No matter what it takes. Wining. Dining. Active listening. You’ll have to listen to your spirit and feed it what it needs. It may cry out for food. Give it food. It may cry out for exercise. Maybe, being around a group of supportive friends who offer no judgment, and no advice, just good company and laughter is all the prescription required.

Your spirit may just tell you it needs peace and serenity. Immerse yourself in things that feel good, and are good for your body and your mind. Stay fit, eat healthy and practice peace by clearing your mind of fears and nostalgia of your relationship. It may feel good at times to revel in the things that you miss. That’s ok. For small, short moments where connecting with the past is necessary to carry a conversation or to resolve an issue. However, a strong warning is necessary here. DO NOT STAY IN THIS MENTAL SPACE. Every moment of the day should be devoted to good feelings and filling the void of loss.

You may find joy in small, mundane things like getting manicures, (or for men, getting a shave at your favorite barber every week.) Anything you can do to occupy your time and your mind is crucial. Conversations that have absolutely nothing to do with your best friend, his or her life, or the status of your relationship is also helpful. Finding a mental space of comfort, joy and peace is key. Your focus now, is how to be your own best friend. You need you, more than ever.

This is where you MUST fall deeply in love with yourself. No matter what it takes. Wining. Dining. Active listening. Affection. Compliments. Words of encouragement.

We know, as humans, that time is the only healer and as time passes, changes in the world around you will change the state of things. If we allow ourselves, through openness, love and awareness, we will find that we are always evolving, we are always changing, and so are our circumstances. Allow time to be good to you, by being good to yourself.

When you are dating, after not being in the dating scene for sometime, you are typically cautious and likely skeptical. There is a beauty to dating yourself, if you are purely open to knowing who you are. Questions you would typically ask such as “Is this person fun to be around?, Does this person understand my values? Am I attracted to this person”, those become easier to answer when directed at self. The answer to all of the above would be yes !

Hourly, daily, each moment should be devoted to getting to know intimate details of self. With each question answered, from what you like to eat, how you like to approach a problem and how you like to pass your time while alone will help you see your motives and desires clearer. It will make it easier for people to come in and out of your life as they will pick up your sense of certainty and awareness. It will relieve the pressure on others to fulfill those things for you. Ultimately your love in self will draw love from others.

Here is an affirmation that I use and share with my children, to start the day. I also use it through the day to strengthen and reinforce my thought patterns.

As I leave this spot of ground today, know that my way is made safe, sure, perfect, successful and harmonious. For I am the master of my domain. For the god in me is in charge, and all is well.
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