Pros, ConQuests, and Consequences.

The love-guilt relationship with protein stuff.

If life were perfect and I could have a home-cooked meal whenever I snapped my fingers, I would.

Snap! Poached salmon.
Snap! Zucchini pasta.
Snap! Dark chocolate married with beef and spice and succulence.

I was spoiled silly in France, waltzing off to the marché to see if, with a smile and some nuyorquaise, the fruitier would give me a discount on avocados. (One time they were only a euro. Then he realized I had no intention of pursuing romance, so they went back to their list price of 1,30.)

I was blessed to enjoy the fruit of the land, and long, long days to cook-’speriment with.

Now, the days are shorter. The produce comes from Trader Joe’s. I throw slumber parties with the microwave.

My grandmother, full-browed and fully Serb, spent one summer morning dripping pounds of sweat into the day-kitchen. Because she had decided that we would have stuffed peppers for lunch.

My current schedule — also a fulsome beast — says, “Great! See you later.”

You can imagine, there is significant drama between Schedule, Stomach, and Sensibility.

So I try. Salt and spice and nuke as mindfully as possible. Appreciate the resulting scents and aromas. (And from there, appreciate redundancy.)

It’s not perfect. It’s not some sleek little health blog.

It’s, for the moment, functional.

If I shudder to imagine her take on the microwave, I know that my grandmother would deplore the non-nuked fare even more.

Protein powder. (No filler, just straight-up egg stuff from DJ Tee-Jay.) Quest bars.

These are band-aids. When it’s a question of train and survive, or rest and eat, these band-aids take the “or” out of the equation.

Yes, I can do both.

No, it’s not perfect.

But at least it’s functional.

And when there’s enough time to be mindful, but not enough to skillet-bake an egg, then you can hack the protein powder into flavor, make it substantial. Put it on a bowl of actual food, turn it into a harmless sauce or dressing.

You get a mild satisfaction, on par with adding paté to EasyMac in your dorm room.

At least paté has protein, though.