How to be more charming (it’ll get you more sales)
The main reason Ben Chai hired me to help write his book, Social Magnetism, wasn’t because I’m a good writer, nor was it because I was his son, it was because he knew that I had the networking chops to share some great networking tips…but I wasn’t always a great networker.
When I suddenly became the editor of the UK’s 3rd largest B2B tech publication, I was thrust into a world I had no clue about. PR people would constantly take my team and me out for drinks, our sales reps would bring me along to meetings with their clients as their “creative”, and I would have to call a tonne of people on the phone to get quotes, book interviews, and manage my writers.
Phew!
In short, I went from drinking with my friends at the weekends to drinking with work people every single night (needless to say, my then girlfriend was annoyed). I had a trial by fire for networking, and today I’m going to share with you three networking tips that will make you more charming and empower you to get more sales.
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№1 Don’t Sell Your Product
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The first networking faux pas I made was always trying to sell something. Whether it was the advertising possibilities of the publication, why our publication should get exclusive stories, or why we needed the latest gear for reviews, I was incredibly outcome dependent.
What I realised is that EVERYONE else was doing the exact same thing.
And like my client Johnny Cassell says, “You’ve got to break the pattern to be memorable”. So I shifted my mindset, I would go into initial meetings and networking events with the mindset of “let’s meet people I can work with” rather than “Let’s sell to people”. This new approach meant that I wasn’t waiting for my turn to talk in conversations, I wasn’t desperate to have shallow connections with people, and I was actually selling myself FAR MORE EFFECTIVELY because people enjoyed engaging with me.
When you first meet people, it’s more about you than what you do.
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№2 Always have some sort of progress
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When I started networking in media, I assumed that it was an endless ocean of people to meet. This was false. In truth, there are very few players in any industry or networking group. A big problem I had was that I would assume that people I’d met before were more interested in being my friend than, you know, doing business with me. When you regularly meet the same people, they’ll inevitably ask, “How’s business?”
Most people say “fine” or “doing well,” don’t do this.
If someone asks you about your business, they are essentially saying “is it time for us to do business yet?” So your response needs to be focused on highlighting new things about your business. You might be launching a newsletter, trying a new marketing strategy, or trialing a new product, make sure that you mention these things! Either to:
1. Get them engaged with your business
2. Show them that they need to start working with you soon or they may miss their chance
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№3 “Yes, and…”
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This is an improv technique I learned in my university’s theatre troupe. If someone makes a joke or has an idea, look for ways to say “Yes, and…” and build on what they are saying. It helps them feel included and that you’ve heard what they’ve said.
I was at a networking thing a few weeks ago and a woman said to me, “You’re always surrounded by women, are you building a harem?” Strange question I know, but hey, it was obviously a joke. Instead of shutting her down for her slightly inappropriate comment, I used my “Yes, and…” technique and responded, “I would love to, and I’ve already got a harem at home and with property prices in London, I don’t think I could afford another one…yet.”
Using the “Yes, and…” technique I helped her feel included in the group, made everyone laugh, and avoided a potentially awkward situation for myself and everyone else in the group.
This has gone on a little too long, so I’ll leave it there. Remember:
1. Initial meetings are about feeling each other out as PEOPLE
2. Subsequent meetings need to show your own personal progress
3. Go with the flow. Most people won’t be as good at networking as you, don’t worry about it and help them.
As always, any questions you have, send me a PM. What’s your favourite networking tip? Let me know in the comments.

