I Resolve

My 2015 was dedicated to curiosity and self-care. Last year, I made a conscious effort to avoid resolutions. Instead, I decided to focus my attention on an overall theme for the year. Resolutions may work for some people, I know I have had my share of successes and failures when it comes to attacking an overarching goal for the year, but deciding on a theme was about changing my approach. Entering into year two of this mindset, I couldn’t be prouder of the change in attitude.

For 2016, I resolve to retire selfishness and learn to share more of myself with the people I love. On the surface, I know this can seem a little vague, so allow me to dig a little deeper. In the next couple of weeks, everything will change for me. For the past year, Brandon and I have been playing for the weekends. We talk or text almost every day, but due to busy schedules and his living an hour north of Seattle, we are only able to get together on the weekends. For most of our relationship, this has worked, because it had to. We both knew it would be unsustainable though. As we grew closer, the need for something more would grow in importance.

With that in mind, we have decided to move in together. I can practically hear some of my friends and family gasping. Yes, my friends, Nathan is in a relationship and is going to attempt this co-habitation thing. In the words of Vice President Joe Biden, “this is a big f**cking deal.” This is a particularly big deal for me.

For most of my adult life, I have had to depend on myself and no one else. Now, don’t get me wrong. Family and friends have always been close by, if I needed them, but where I work, who I love, what I do with my money… my big life decisions have been mine and mine alone. A fraternity brother in college once told me that he could never see me settling down in one place with one person for too long. Shocked, I begged him to explain why. The seed for his idea? My love of independence. J.D. was right. I do love my independence. I love the freedom. I love the pressure. I love the weight resting on my shoulders to make things happen. Something, or I should say someone, changed all of that from love to loved. Now, I refer to those things in the past tense. I loved my independence. I loved my freedom. I loved the pressure. I loved the weight resting on my shoulders to make things happen. Now, I am being called upon to retire notions of selfishness. I am being asked to change my worldview and share my life with someone.

This may come easy to some, but it will be challenge for me. I am already making strides though. I have shared my Google calendar with Brandon, so we can jointly discuss and manage our time. We have had several conversations about finances (one of the weak spots in my armor) and I am learning to be vulnerable. I am also learning to ask for help with those things in which I struggle. We are having big conversations about the house, work, and our future. With each word we utter and every problem we work through, it all becomes easier. With every trial, I get closer to making this whole thing a reality.

So, if you’re working toward a goal or a theme, I hope this post moves you to keep trying. Resolutions fail, because we accept failure. Failure is a part of the process my friends. Within each and every attempt, there is an opportunity to learn and move forward. We just have to stay determined. That is what I wish for you this year, determination. And, if you need a cheering section, I am here for you.

Be good to each other,