Love is like Air

Do you ever have this insatiable need to write? The feeling that you might explode if you don’t write down your thoughts? This is precisely where I am. I have been reading books by Donald Miller this week. I recently finished Scary Close and Blue Like Jazz. It’s amazing how healing words can be. I never fully realized how damaged and unhealthy I was until I sat down and allowed his experiences to impact me.

I realized through life and his books that I don’t love myself. I always find reasons why I am not good enough. Reasons why someone cannot love me. Reasons why God couldn’t love me. I am completely unworthy of love. This is what I thought. I just wasn’t good enough to love or to be loved. This of course is a lie, but that is how in manifests itself. Lie’s always have some truth to them which is why they are believable. I have always been hard on myself because I want to be the best. The problem is that I try to be the best on my own. I try to accept love on my own. I try to love on my own. I have always tried to earn love. People needed a reason to love me right?

I needed to do things for people, I needed to EARN love.

Love cannot be earned, because love is freely given. Love does not have stipulations and does not expect anything in return. Love is beautiful, yet mysterious. Love is like air. We know that air exists because we can feel it and we need it, but we never see the air. We can see it moving things around us, but we can’t actually see it. This is how I view love. It is necessary. It is needed. We cannot expect anything from it other that what it already is. Love is given not taken. It can’t be bought or stolen. It is simple, unconditional, and beautiful. Giving fully of yourself without expecting anything in return. It is what Jesus told us to do.

“Love the Lord your God with all your heart, soul, and mind and love your neighbor as yourself.” — Jesus

I have been going through a lot in my heart, soul, and mind lately. I realized that I have been trying to earn love. I have been trying to buy love. I have been trying to gain acceptance through my actions. I never stopped to think about what that meant. I never stopped to realize what I was doing. I just wanted to be loved. I wanted to give love and be accepted. I was doing it wrong. Jesus recently convicted me of this. He spoke to me in a way that I have never felt. Softly whispering in my ear:

“You are worthy, and you are loved.”

In that moment I realized that I no longer had to hide behind a wall of sarcasm or judgment. I didn’t need to hide who I was in fear of rejection. I didn’t have to earn love. I already had it. The Savior of the Universe, my Father already loved me. I am loved. I have been chosen. I am free from the shackles of my insecurities and sin. I no longer have to worry about whether someone loves me. I simply needed to love Jesus and love others as I would want to be loved. It’s simple.

Sometimes the simplest things are the most profound. Sometimes the hardest things to comprehend are the things you’ve always known. I am loved and I always have been loved, I just had to let Jesus in.

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