Tonight at the bar was weird.

It was slow all night. People came and went, but didn’t stay for long. And it was sweltering out. Hot and humid with still air and not a breeze to be found. The Republic of Texas biker rally was in town but it just served to scare the normal crowds off and didn’t actually bring any bikers in.

Around 12:30 our normal service industry friends started rolling in and things got a bit better, or at least friendlier.

An older guy came to the door with a girl in her early 20s, and he was obviously intoxicated, and probably not just drunk. He was sweating profusely, trying to button up his shirt and having trouble with the task. I told her she could come in, but he wasn’t getting in. She rolled her eyes hard and took off leaving him to fumble with his buttons and stammer at me. I made it clear to him that he wasn’t getting in and she disappeared entirely.

He stumbles off and I don’t think anything of it.

About five minutes later he comes back up to me, still sweating like crazy and says “Kick me out, man!”

I look at him and say “Uh, I never really let you in. I can’t rightly kick you out.”

“But I’m an asshole, kick me out.”

“Ok. You are kicked out. Leave. Go away.”

“KICK ME OUT. I’m being a jerk. I’ve got a PHD. People with PHDs are assholes. Kick me out already.”

“I just did. You are kicked out. Go away.”

And then he runs away. About ten minutes later he comes charging back up. This time wearing a t-shirt and a robot helmet.

This is the actual helmet.

“Are you going to kick me out now?”

“I thought I already had. What do you want man?”

“Aren’t you going to kick me out? Are you calling the cops?”

“I don’t think that’s really necessary. You are just being really weird and you can’t come in.”

“But why won’t you kick me out? Why are you being so GENUINE and NICE?” he said, and then he ran away again, out into the sweltering night.

As I was cleaning up the patio after the bar closed I saw him again in the distance, robot hat on, head bent, dejected, walking down the sidewalk.

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