A Letter from Your Brother (Legacy)
Dear Reader,
My name is Nathan Park. I am a 20 year old transferring student to the University of California at San Diego. I’m a Barista at Philz Coffee and I’m also on Staff at Onnuri Youth. I write this today on August 10th and I’m about to leave the Bay Area in something close to about a month.
My Story: The Hurt and Hurting Brother
I grew up here in the Bay Area, California. I was born in the country of Texas in the vicinity of Garland. We moved out here to the Bay Area when I was one.
One thing that’s prevalent in my story is that I grew up in the Church. Every Sunday, went to church. Mid-week Church, AWANA, VBS and retreats, you name it! But you see the thing is, as I was growing up I was living for the approval of everyone who seemed “spiritual” and “older” and they also looked “spiritually mature”.
As I was seeking their approval I was slowly becoming a very pharisaical religious person. If anyone wasn’t like me, I saw that as my opportunity to look down on them. To set expectations that I myself couldn’t.
My heart was hurting. I tried to get the approval of 40-something year olds who seemed like they were doing all the right religious things. As if playing good religion is what Jesus wanted.
I was hurt because the affirmation I was looking for was never given. Because there was an “empty cup” in my heart, it could only be filled and satisfied by only one person, Jesus.
This spilled out to all of my relationships. It made me very much self-righteous. For example, and the biggest one is my relationship with my brother.
I spend so much time and energy trying to earn the approval of others, that I forgot how to actually love people like my little brother. In fact, it got so bad at one point that my former Youth Pastor asked me, “Nathan, what good is it to serve and do ministry when you can’t love your own family?”
Grace: The Living, Breathing Brother
Grace is the total opposite of hurt. It looks at hurt and legalism and says, “I’m giving you something better than what you think you can have with being self-righteous and what you think you can have by basking in your hurt”.
For me, the better thing I received was new friendships and in turn new view of brotherhood. Brotherhood meaning, this is coming from the Gospel-Family I have in Christ.
The things that began to change were:
- Self-Righteousness -> Truly loving people
- Hurt -> Worship of a Healer (Jesus)
- A Heart for a Brotherhood
Going Forward
So, another month will go and my hope is that in that month to live as the brother who loves Christ and people. In my time here in the Bay Area, I’ve managed to accomplish many things. My first Job, Driver’s License, Leadership of various groups, Youth Group Staff, etc. Yet, if my identity isn’t found in what I’ve done but what’s been done for me. Then being and living as a brother is a top priority for me.
Those who remember me in my time here in the Bay Area, I hope it is not one of a “Leader” but one of a brother. Leading is awesome, it’s a joy and privilege to lead and serve people. However, nothing comes close to simply being a brother. To love people with the eyes of “Man, that’s my Brother, that’s my Sister”, that they are so loved.
This doesn’t mean I’m sending my resignation to anywhere any time too soon. Rather, I want to view what I do more from the lens of a brother. Let me close by talking to both the younger and older ones reading this.
Dear Younger Siblings,
It’s Nathan. Thank you for giving me your time and attention as I hopefully did what I could to love and serve you. Each and every one of you are loved and intricately made by God. You have so much life in you, whether you’re a recent High School grad or you’re going into High School for the first time.
I want you to know that it’s ok to not know everything.
It’s ok not to have all the answers in life. It’s ok if you’ve never dated, never been to a rave, never had a job, never learned to cook. But I want to say that in some necessary things, don’t stay there.
Try something new, Yes! And when you try something new, ask yourself this question, “How is this stirring my heart for Jesus?” Whether it’s a new job, getting your license or dating. Let this be the filter by which you live and breathe and watch how your relationship with Jesus grows.
Also, life is defined by the relationships we make. One thing I really loved is that I have a few friends that I can honestly just tell you that we’ve been close for almost 6–8 years. THAT’S RARE! Cultivate and as my friend Calvin Choi says “Wage all out wars for those friendships”.
Sometimes we actually miss out on some of the really good friendships in life because we have a checklist based on our experiences of what they need to or already have done. Be sure to choose really good friends and other siblings in this journey and spend as much time as you can for them!
To my Older Siblings:
I grew up in an Asian-American context. One thing you’ll find that’s very distinct between 1st, 1.5 and 2nd generation is the view on authority. Whereas the first generation views authority highly, the 1.5 and second question authority very much. Especially when it comes to familial qualities.
My Older Siblings, let’s not play this “authority power play” game. Where respect constantly demanded and in turn there is a trade off of good godly relationships. Instead let us see that we have a king and his name is Jesus and he can demand respect as he wishes.
We need good older siblings. Those who are willing to trade their “holy high horse” for a donkey, like Jesus did. We need siblings who don’t treat us as “come to my same conclusions” but rather ones who love us and listen and want to hear from us. Not to necessarily change views, but rather to see grace in the context of the relationships we make.
Older siblings, will you make that trade? To make relationships instead of making good conclusions and arguments? We need those. In turn, you give us an example of how we should be for others who are younger than us.
Prayer (“For My Big Family”)
Let’s pray together,
Father, thank you for each person reading this. Our Father we need your help. This world seems so scary. But Lord you give comfort in troubled seas. Not because we deserve it, but because Lord, you are sovereign and you are good for your name’s sake.
I pray for my Brothers and Sisters in you Lord. They are so spread out. American, African-American, Hispanic, Asian, Vietnamese, etc. Oh how you love each and every one of them. You are forming a family for yourself. A new family, we are born again into your family.
Can you help me as I seek to love them even more in the coming weeks? I need help in order to love. Supernatural help by your Holy Spirit.
Lord may we be a family that’s so distinct by our love one to another. Going out of our way to tell them that they are SO LOVED! To affirm their position as Sons and Daughters in you. To remind our hearts of the love displayed for us when you sent Christ to die for our sins. A sacrificial love.
Do all these things for your name’s sake.
In Jesus’s Name, Amen.
Love all of you. Thank you. I look forward to leaving well with all of you soon.
