Even paradise has limits

credit: Pexels

So, I made it to heaven, but apparently there are still laws here. There’s no money here, but apparently I shoplifted that Savage Garden CD. I thought I could just take it, but they locked me up. (I don’t make the rules. I tried, and the guy that does make the rules here got kinda mad.) Heaven jail is still really cool, just not as cool as the main heaven. Think of it as a suburb of heaven. It’s still got everything you want, but it’s just a little bit worse.


Even paradise has limits.

credit: Pexels

So, I made it to heaven, but apparently there are still laws here. There’s no money here, but apparently I shoplifted that Savage Garden CD. I thought I could just take it, but they locked me up. (I don’t make the rules. I tried, and the guy that does make the rules here got kinda mad.) Heaven jail is still really cool, just not as cool as the main heaven. Think of it as a suburb of heaven. It’s still got everything you want, but it’s just a little bit worse.


Baptism

fully immersed

made new

no trace of the old

brought forth as an offering

completely regenerated

no longer a mere hot dog

now a vehicle for Frank’s Red Hot

First Amendment

this is not an act of defiance

it is not an act of rebellion

this is an exercise

of my God given rights

there is only one way to stop me

i will keep playing this organ

until I get to meet Reba

and/or Chili Davis

Bud Light Lime

the blood pulses through my head

the temperature begins to rise

the stars align around your face

your skin…


Over the years, I’ve had the great misfortune of leading groups that required people to participate in icebreaker questions. All icebreaker questions are terrible and everyone hates them. However, we as a society have not decided that it’s ok to be uncomfortable. Apparently, unless everyone says something stupid about themselves, nothing gets accomplished. I was able to channel some of this seething anger into coming up with some questions that are hopefully not as bad. They’re still bad, just not as bad.

What is a piece of culture that you wish you could experience for the first time?

What is…


For Bud D.

hey man nice shot

a simple missile

a tricky target

I hold my breath and wait

pregnant anticipation

the connection is made

a mission is accomplished

a sense of pride

Dude Perfect

who’s Vince Foster?

Emotion

the pressure in my heart begins to rise

my eyes darken and I see red

each finger slowly curves into a fist

wildly I swing

until I hear flesh hit flesh

ever louder my voice rises

“no Jeff

you’re not my real dad

you can’t make me put

my Hot Wheels away”

2001

what are you doing?

were are you taking…


A look at the concession speech a certain governor had prepared in case he lost his bid at re-election

My fellow Texans, it has been my honor and privilege to serve as your governor for these past eight years. I am so proud of all the amazing things that we have done for our great state. We are growing faster than any other state in these United States. Our economy is stronger than ever. We are driving business on a global scale. It is thanks to you that Texas is stronger and safer than ever.

It is with a heavy…


Normally, just the thought of a McDonald’s hamburger was enough to give me diarrhea. It’s funny how 8 months can change a person.

I’m still not quite certain about all the steps of giving birth, but I’m sure that cockfighting is not one of them.

There are two things of which I was certain. Helen Mirren shouldn’t look that good, and I was in trouble.

It’s funny how you never notice how anti-semitic a statue can be, until you break one.

As the statues fell I couldn’t help but wonder, “Would this be my Flowers for Algernon moment?”

No matter…

Nathan Webb

Currently in Toronto via Dallas. World’s worst student trying to become the world’s okayest Episcopal priest.

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