It’s 2017 and Barack Obama Still Hasn’t Seen Furious 7 (With Me)
After a president has left office and even during their presidency, it is not uncommon for them to spend their time being actively involved in philanthropy and charitable giving. Jimmy Carter did a great deal of work with Habitat for Humanity, Dwight D. Eisenhower founded the People to People Ambassador Program, and George H.W. Bush founded the Points of Light Foundation in 1990. Although it has only been four months since Barack Obama has left office, I cannot help but find it absolutely shameful that he has not once accepted my offer to see Furious 7.
When Paul Walker died in 2013, I wasn’t sure how I felt about continuing the Fast and the Furious franchise. As a casual fan of the first movie, a super fan of the second movie, a guilty pleasure fan of the third one, a fan who admittedly hasn’t seen the fourth one, a big fan of the fifth one, and a plan on getting around to watching it fan of the sixth one, this news just struck me as off. To make things worse, they chose James Wan, director of Saw and The Conjuring to helm the project. Was he going to bring Paul Walker back as a ghost?! But luckily, Vin Diesel was there to remind me that these movies aren’t about tricked out cars and objectifying women. I mean, they’re kind of about that, but they’re really about family.
I was moved by this. And I knew I had to go straight to the theater and see it with my family, or “familia” as Vin calls it (I think he wants us to think he’s Hispanic? I’m not saying he can’t be, I just don’t want to have another Rachel Dolezal-type situation go down.) Unfortunately, I can’t see Furious 7 with my family. You see, I don’t really have a family… member that wants to sit through this movie with me. So I reached out to the only person I knew I could trust. Someone who was even better than family. Someone who was the President of the United States.
I was worried that if I sent a letter to him, it wouldn’t reach him in time. So I took to Twitter to extend an invite to the President. Unfortunately, it seems he didn’t have time for me. Which is fine, I get it. He was the President of the United States. But he is out of office now and from the looks of social media, he’s having a blast without me.
Barack, its fine if you don’t want to see the movie with me. But a simple no would have been nice. I have to find out on Instagram that he’s been too busy kite surfing with Kenneth Branson in the Virgin Islands while I’m sitting on my laptop rewatching the trailer for The F8 of the Furious thinking to myself, “What does any of this mean?!?!”
I don’t blame my family. Dominic Toretto taught me that’s not cool, bro. I don’t blame myself either. Who I do blame is the 44th President of the United States. If President Obama had only responded sooner, I might have a better understanding of what is happening in the half of the Fast and Furious franchise that I have yet to see.
I’ll leave with this, a message of hope. Because you taught me to have that, Barack. And now, I’m ending this in the hopes that you and I can work together and help build a better future. Hey, we do what we do best. We improvise, all right? Life’s simple. You make choices and you don’t look back. I live my life a quarter-mile at a time. Money will come and go. We all know that. The most important thing in life will always be the people in this room. Right here, right now. So if you don’t drift to win, what do you drift for?