I was at church. I had to leave.

I couldn’t listen for another minute to someone telling about how great God is and about how everything we see and feel and know right now is inconsequential. I’m tired of the theoretical, etherial telling about life. I need something real, now. I need to feel the ground under my feet. I need to breathe air. I need to experience God, not know about God.

I don’t believe there is such a huge divide between this life and the next; that nothing here and now carries over. Something will carry over.

I don’t believe Olivia will be perfect in heaven — at least not “perfect” the way we mean it. In heaven Olivia’s ears may still be lower than normal. Both her eyes may still not track together. Her hair may be the same untamable super-villain hair it was when she was here. At least, I hope so. I love those things about her. Is heaven really a place where everyone is “perfect”, or could it be that our definition of “perfect” changes in heaven? Could it be that our mindset shifts, and not the circumstances?

I don’t believe anyone knows what God or heaven is like. I wish we’d stop pretending that we do. And I wish we’d stop throwing away the beauty that is right in front of us today, devaluing what is in order to make heaven sound that much better.

I do believe that God and heaven and all its beauty are closer to this moment than they will ever be again. Living within the constraints of time, we picture heaven as the farthest off thing. It’s “after” — after we die — after Jesus comes back — after, after, after. But pushing heaven off into eternity could be a great way for us to avoid its actual existence — that may be useful if the uncertainty we feel about heaven makes us uncomfortable. It’s also a great way to avoid a potential responsibility we may have today, to help heaven somehow.

Maybe we’re more comfortable keeping heaven at a distance. Maybe we’re more comfortable showing up to church and being told about God and about heaven. Like being told what skydiving is like. It’s safer. It’s faster too. And infinitely more dull.

Life is experienced by living.