I am in a situation too that I also committed myself to God. There’s a wilderness that Moses went through. He went through a 40 year drought but God had to teach him to go through this period and he didn’t ask to leave it sooner. I think that we have to go through a spiritual drought that all leaders go through. It prepares you, builds your character.
Our church is going through 40 day devotional during Solemn assembly called Church On Fire. I showed my mom and dad the book and my dad knew that pride was an issue that he drew from the first few devotions. The warning is given to pastors and leaders of churches
“Some of us may swagger into ministry, but we will never swagger into the upper room (prayer). If you are not aare of your own personal inadequacies or if you think somehow that you have it in yourself to serve your people in your own strength, then even though I haven’t met you, I can tell you something about yourself: you are exhausted. You may even be on the verge of burnout. Please do yourself a favor: repent. Quit the game. Get off the church treadmill. Repent of your over-inflated view of your own self-importance. Repent of your self-sufficient swagger. Repent of your prayerlessness.”
A sobering reality that Jesus did not just do ministry but he did that when he built praying disciples.