- Claims expertise of SEO, leadership, inbound marketing or whatever’s trending today.
- Often rocking a turtleneck.
- Looks forward to touching base and connecting with you.
- Posting latest keynote slide deck on LinkedIn right now.
- Unemployable in any other scenario.
- Hates brown people but loves faux Polynesian lawn decor.
- Easily fooled by Russian spam bots.
- Swollen with INCEL RAGE!!!
- Despises Hollywood celebs, voted one into office anyway.
- Would personally help build The Wall if it weren’t so physically demanding.
Multi-Level Marketing Hucksters
- Would love to meet for coffee some time.
- Wants to know if you’ve heard of passive income??
- Able to slide into your DM with a GREAT OPPORTUNITY.
- Huge fan of triangular stone buildings.
- Has lots of great new products to share on social media.
Comic Book Know-It-Alls
- Starts all @ replies with “actually…”
- Enjoys telling accomplished women that they’re wrong.
- Able to point out multiple continuity errors in the Marvel Cinematic Universe.
- Still mad at Kelly Tran.
- Goes into a crippling depression if 80s cartoons aren’t portrayed accurately when turned into movie franchises.
- Frequently abuses the hashtags #ENTREPRENEUR and #INNOVATION.
- Has an email autoresponder bragging about how busy he is.
- Tweets from bed about #hustle and rising and grinding.
- Sickening levels of unwavering self-confidence.
- Has wet dreams about Tim Ferriss.