Nathan Whiteside
Jul 27, 2017 · 4 min read

Thank you for the honesty and vulnerability of your post. It’s true, Nix is awesome, full stop. I know you were speaking to her and I don’t presume that you would feel the same way about me as you do about her, but I am in full alignment with what she wrote, and I share in the frustration over white cluelessness in America (and almost everywhere, it seems). I’m still clueless, and I’ve been deconstructing my racism since I was born into a communist-hippy liberal white family off of 8 Mile in Detroit nearly 42 years ago. That’s how all-pervasive racism is in the very air we breath. I came into this space (SOB’s article comments) with an oppositional attitude to his attitude about white people. Nix helped me to see how arrogant that was, and how painful it would be to see yet another fucking white guy do that, regardless of my good intentions. I see my mind conjur racist thoughts, against my every conscious desire, and all I can do is unflinchingly witness them and then put them in a “don’t believe that shit!” box.

I do care about black lives. I care about every life, because I care about being the best person I can be. I care about the truth, because I can’t stand the idea of acting in ways that have nothing to do with reality. And the reality is that this country, on the whole, doesn’t value black lives. Not nearly enough, anyway. Once we recognized that slavery is evil, and later that racism is evil, your existence became a constant reminder of our guilt and shame, and we have yet to convene a “Truth and Reconciliation” commission as they so wisely did in South Africa, post apartheid.

I’ve confronted my white guilt. I’ve struggled with how to reconcile the accident of my birth with the insane evil that my demographic has perpetrated for centuries before I arrived on the scene, and how not to be an accomplice to the modern day perpetuation of that legacy. It wasn’t a quick or easy process, but I pursued it doggedly because my mind couldn’t go on without resolving the contradiction. In the end, the resolution was pretty simple: I bear no personal guilt over the choices and actions of others; however, I am responsible for how I respond to the iniquities that benefit me at the expense of others. I have tremendous privilege, which is given to me daily regardless of whether I want it or not, so the only thing to do with it is to use it in service to others. Understand as best I can the black experience, and translate that understanding for other white people so they can start to deconstruct their racism, as well. Be an ally to black and marginalized folks so that they can know that they aren’t completely alone in their struggle. Fucking vote. Show up where I’m needed. Show compassion whenever possible, and step out of my own frame so I can better understand everyone else’s frame. I do all this as best I can, and it is never enough.

But I think most white people have a hard time going through this process. Deep in their bones they know that white America bears a burden of guilt and shame over slavery and Jim Crow, and they recoil from that guilt. It’s too painful for them to do anything else. They rush to resolve that guilt with these simple and absurd strategies of denying that racism is still a problem today, and most of all by otherizing PoC so they can blame the victim rather than take mature and sober responsibility for their own attitudes. It’s the easy way out, so yeah, white fragility.

As for why I’m different, I’m sure a big part of it has to do with my awesome parents, who taught me that racism is wrong and showed me how it subtlely pervades our culture. In addition, although I had no memory of it growing up I was a victim of sexual abuse, and that trauma in my body made me very self-reflective from an early age. Without that pain it would have been a lot easier for me to gloss over the pain of others.

I enjoyed reading how you imagine white people interacting and colluding on our racism! To be honest, I’m quite removed from mainstream white culture so I don’t even know. I live in the Bay Area, and all of my communities are inclusive, many radically so. When I hear about someone being overtly racist in the Bay Area, I always wonder how that happens here without the traditional support for it. Don’t they know where they live?! But it happens, and we’re all still guilty of the more subtle forms of racism. Most of my friends know that, and remain vigilant about it.

Anyway, I apologize for the long ass post. I wanted to offer you a peak into the mind of a flawed white person who really fucking cares, for whatever it might be worth to you. Peace and love to you.

Nathan Whiteside

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