Essential Goodness

Almost two years ago my wife, Jamie, was murdered. Almost two years ago the perpetrator attempted to murder me as I came to the aid of my wife. This week the trial for that person came to an end with a guilty verdict.

As I told the courtroom during my final statement, our families have learned that evil and darkness exists in the world. It is a lesson that we all desperately wish we had never had to learn. It is one thing to see civil war, genocide, terrorism, and violence on the news. It is quite another when it arrives on your doorstep. We are taught to lock our doors to the outside world, but what happens when someone with evil intent has a key?

A friend would tell me that a few weeks after we lost Jamie she broke down in tears while walking through a parking lot. In and of itself, this was not significant since she had cried often since we had lost Jamie, but then she realized that she was crying because she was afraid that the tragedy that had occurred would cause people to trust less, to be less free with love, to close themselves off to the possibility of good in the world.

With the perspective of the last two years and the trial now behind us I know that her fear is not to be. The most surprising, and uplifting, lesson of the past two years has actually been that the world is still essentially good.

To know Jamie was to love her. She was a kind and decent person. She was someone who understood that we have an obligation to help those in need, a person who believed deeply that everyone that we are connected to is our family, she was a caregiver by nature who loved deeply.

Ted Kennedy said of Robert Kennedy after his death in a statement that could also be said of Jamie, “My brother need not be idealized, or enlarged in death beyond what he was in life; to be remembered simply as a good and decent man, who saw wrong and tried to right it, saw suffering and tried to heal it, saw war and tried to stop it.”

One of the ways to compound the tragedy of losing Jamie would be for people to not carry that spirit forward. I believe deeply that as long as Jamie remains in the hearts of others she isn’t gone. I believe that as long as we work to carry forward her values, her issues, and her impact that she is with us still.

I know that no act of evil could kill Jamie’s spirit. It can not take away her lesson to us all — that during our life we must try to right wrongs, heal suffering, and help our fellow man.

I hope that people will always choose to do what Jamie did, what we both did together, which is to choose the hard path of optimism. To understand that it is easy to be suspicious, cynical, and mistrusting. To understand that it is far more difficult, but also far more rewarding, to open yourself up to the possibility of grace, love, and hope.

Our family saw grace, love, hope, and kindness every single day during the month-long trial that just concluded.

The District Attorney’s office was filled with kindness, even as they were intensely focused on holding the perpetrator accountable. We met the police officer who gave Jamie CPR in an attempt to keep her alive. We heard from neighbors who came to mine and Jamie’s aid — who comforted us, who tried to save us, and who were able to recount the powerful fact that Jamie’s final words were to say I love you to me as an ambulance arrived to take her to WakeMed Hospital.

We had so many friends — an entire community really — wrap us in love over the past month that we couldn’t possibly list them all for fear of leaving a dozen people out. So many helpers. So much love.

One week before tragedy struck Jamie and I were on our way to the coast of North Carolina to celebrate our fourth wedding anniversary when we heard the news of the Boston Marathon bombing. Jamie was driving so I kept her up to date by sharing what I learned on Twitter. One item that I shared was a quote from Fred Rogers that a friend posted. Mr. Rogers told children once that, “When I was a boy and I would see scary things in the news, my mother would say to me, “Look for the helpers. You will always find people who are helping.”

The past two years, and the past four weeks, have been full of grief and fear, yet we have blessed beyond measure to find those helpers along every step of the way. Helpers that have kept Jamie’s spirit, and our shared belief in the essential goodness of others, alive in a very real way.

Now that the trial is over I intend to take a few days along the North Carolina coast to reflect, to consider, and to rest. When I return I look forward to being back at work at New Kind. I look forward to going on long runs with friends, taking our dog Teddy on walks as the spring brings beauty to downtown, eating delicious meals with loved ones, and most of all I look forward to returning to hard work of finding meaning in a life that has been unalterably redirected.

Perhaps most of all I look forward to returning to the work of the Jamie Kirk Hahn Foundation. I believe that the only way to repay the kindness of everyone, and to show my gratitude, is to help others in return, and I believe that Jamie’s Foundation will continue to carry her values and impact forward. We have all learned that our time on this round ball is limited — and I have learned that time is our most precious resource — and so I intend to rededicate myself to working alongside our Army of Jamies to create transformational change in North Carolina.

Jamie and I believed that our generation has the promise, the possibility, and the obligation to strive to end poverty and hunger in our lifetime. I intend to keep Jamie’s spirit alive by working towards those goals.

I hope that you will join me as I choose the difficult path optimism and hope. I would never have survived the unsurvivable without you — and I need you now more than ever.

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Please consider joining us at the Jamie Kirk Hahn Foundation as we work to spread Jamie’s spirit, values, and impact: http://www.jamiekirkhahnfoundation.org

We intend to #chooseoptimism every day through our work.

Also — I have a TinyLetter newsletter for those interested in keeping up with our work. Sign up here: http://tinyletter.com/nationhahn