How To Stop Fighting Over Money With Your Spouse: Husband And Wife Fighting About Money
How to stop fighting over money with your spouse — Husband and wife fighting about money.
Most couples fight over finances and many will even divorce over money conflicts. Many couples have differing philosophies — one may be a spendthrift while the other is a cheapskate. It doesn’t matter what your money baggage is, you and your spouse can resolve financial issues with these 5 tips:
1. Promote mutual understanding of each other by discussing how you were raised around money and what your money personality is. It doesn’t really matter how your parent’s interaction with money played a part of your money relationship. It is just important that your spouse understands where you are coming from so they can be more understanding and compassionate about how you make financial decisions.
2. Get the ostrich to come out and play the investment game. The silent spouse or the “I don’t want to know” spouse is skeptical that anything but poverty is a choice. Get them involved slowly by educating and discussing options and opportunities that you can take advantage of. This will get their heads up and thinking- hey, maybe we can build wealth after all.
3. The unbalanced couple where one knows everything and the other is out of the loop is challenging. I get the balance back in the game by getting one spouse slowly involved and getting the other spouse to relinquish some control over the finances. One will feel empowered by the new duties and the other will see that they don’t have to do it all and know it all, a win-win for all.
4. When all else fails, bring the kids into the picture and make wealth building a family affair. Have a once a month financial meeting to discuss what the family’s mission statement is- what they value, what they will pass on to each other and what they share with others. This gives the kids a wider view that money isn’t always about material things but also about helping others. It also is a great segway to letting the kids know what you will provide for them and what is expected of them to provide for themselves.
5. Not on the same page? Try this. Each spouse writes down their financial goals in private and then share. Look at each list and highlight the common ones that you share. Work on how you both will achieve that goal. When you accomplish one goal together, then it is a lot easier to compromise and come together to work on the next. Success breeds more success. Watch out! In this process you may find out that it is even fun to outline together what you want your financial life to look like and how you both will contribute to that.
Don’t let issues around money destroy your marriage. No matter how different you are in your money personalities you can still find common ground and come together to realize those goals and aspirations that you both want and deserve. Get out the pen and paper and start now after dinner with a discussion about what you really want. Remember that you can’t reach a target if you don’t know what it is. Let failure be an option. You aren’t always going to get it right but keep forging ahead. It’s all a learning and growing experience to be enjoyed together.
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There are some causes of divorce that married couples should know. At the root of most causes of divorce is basic personality differences that couples don’t know how to handle. It is very common for two people to have completely different views of the very same event or situation. Learning the causes of divorce and how to stop them from breaking up your marriage is important to know
It is not uncommon for causes of divorce to stem from conflicting personalities or different ways of thinking that were hidden during the courtship and the early part of a marriage. Unfortunately after the marriage goes past the early stages, personality traits and conflicting approaches begin to surface which are reasons for divorce in many cases.
These differing personalities and viewpoints often lead to a stressful marriage followed by a break down in communication between spouses which are some of the causes of divorce. Communication breakdowns make it difficult for couples to address marital issues and hopefully solve problems.
Below are 5 Common Causes of Divorce
1. Verbal abuse — verbal aggression can be extremely destructive to a relationship. It is a way of belittling the spouse on the receiving end as well as showing lack of respect for them. Verbal abuse occurs when a spouse calls their partner names, repeatedly yells at them, dismisses their spouses feelings and constantly criticizes their partner. Verbal abuse just like any abuse can erode the abused spouses confidence and feelings of self worth if it goes unchecked. These feelings can become internalized. Verbal abusive behavior is one of the biggest causes of divorce.
One of the causes of divorce is a spouse who is unable to control abusive behavior which could be a sign that the abusive spouse is suffering from some sort of emotional disorder requiring professional help.
2. Lack of marital communication skills — Not having the necessary communication skills needed for a happy marriage is counted as one of the major causes of divorce. Disagreements are common in relationships. Solving marital conflict requires good marital communication skills. Two key marital communication skills are talking and listening.
- Talking/Speaking to your spouse effectively requires an understanding that words have meaning. Words used and how you say them will have a large impact on how they are received by your spouse.
- Learning the right listening skills are necessary to really hear what your spouse is saying to you and conveying back to your spouse they are being heard. This includes both verbal and non verbal skills. This is great for fixing causes of divorce.
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3. Unrealistic expectations are one of the causes of divorce — Unrealistic expectations can damage a marriage when expectations are unreasonable. Expectations can include an unrealistic view of how marriage is supposed to be without accounting for what actually happens in most people’s lives. Not understanding that marriage will have its ups and downs and expecting things to always be the way they want it is one of the causes of divorce to be avoided. Unrealistic expectations can be involve sex, money, work or many other issues.
4. Using divorce as the first solution to marital problems is one of the causes of divorce. Many states have a no fault divorce provision making it easier for couples to divorce. In today’s society some see divorce as a way of solving marital problems and are more likely to file for divorce when things get stressful. Unfortunately the fallout from divorce can have serious emotional and financial effects on families where divorce was the first choice.
5. Influences from outside of the Marriage — When a spouse feels neglected or that others have undue influence on their marriage it can lead to severe marriage problems and become one of the causes of divorce.
- Causes of divorce are often meddling parents, family and friends. Allowing others to negatively impact a marriages is responsible much marital conflict and is one of the causes of divorce. Family or friends can cause unnecessary problems between couples. Often meddling takes the form of intruding on a couples privacy, monopolizing holidays and week ends, starting disagreements and conflict, constantly dropping in unannounced, unnecessary criticism of a spouse, and other controlling behavior. Solving this problem will require both spouses to remember that a marriage is a union of two people and that they must set boundaries and stick to them.
- Working long hours can put a lot of stress on marriage and can cause one or both spouses to feel neglected. It is one of the causes of divorce. If both spouses are working there may be little time available to spend together and may require some creative out of the box thinking.
- Taking advantage of opportunities to spend time together does not have to be complicated. Simple things like doing chores together, running errands together, going for quick or long walks, and talking are a few activities to deal with long work hours and little time. If one spouse works outside of the home and the other stays home special attention should be given to supporting each others feeling and stresses. Feelings of loneliness can develop for the stay at home spouse which should be taken very seriously. This is one of the causes of divorce that is often comes as a surprise for one of the spouses.
With today’s divorce rates at such high levels there are many causes of divorce. When most people marry they expect their marriage to last a lifetime and are not anticipating getting a divorce. Learning the reasons for divorce and what to do about them can help save a marriage. Many couples have benefited from online resources to save their marriage. Strategies for ending the stress and unhappiness in your marriage are available at a number of resources.
Saying or doing the wrong thing can actually cause your spouse to feel even more distant from you. You can make your spouse fall back in love with you, all over again. You don’t have to worry about whether your spouse is on the brink of asking you for a divorce. You can control the situation and use specific techniques to naturally make them fall hopelessly in love with you — Learn More Here
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