Ego: A Primitive Drive
“I don’t think I’ll be okay with my wife making more than I make”, he said. He went on to clarify, “it’s not about the money it’s just that I don’t want to be dominated at any point”. Undoubtedly the worst clarification he could’ve made.
The sentiment of it all begins with the fear of being dominated, which appears to be a direct result of one’s insecurity. The logic insignificant seems to be: the more money you make, the higher say you have. The “clarification” states that it is okay as long as HE makes more than HER, but is not so for HER to make more than HIM. Thereby resulting in a “brilliant” solution: make more money so you can’t be dominated.
One question. Why does anyone have to dominate any one? Another question, for instance if you were looking for a lab partner, wouldn’t you want someone smarter than you? Someone you can learn from and most importantly score more than you would’ve had you selected to be with the nimrod of the class, just so you could feel smart for the 10 minutes you speak with said nimrod; which by the way would be a supreme way to waste 10 minutes of your life.
Herein lies my issue with the statement, a simple three-letter word: EGO. We often let it take the better of us and cloud our judgments. I mentioned earlier that, in this specific case, EGO seems to be a result of insecurity. And if you think that is something you can comprehend, then ask yourself; why result in EGO, and why not just be quite and let the phase pass? It would seem that EGO possibly temporarily bolsters your “macho”. Like all quick fixes, this also comes with a big drawback. Not only are you ignoring you’re the root cause of your insecurity, but you are actively encouraging an alternate mechanism that defends and protects your insecurity, more to the point you will continue to fail in addressing the root cause. In a way, you ensure that you are perpetually handicapped.
Blessed are those souls who realize the stupidity of the statement and take it back. Unfortunate are those who are aware of exactly what they said, and are happy being a petty human being, addressing futile authority over who could have been a trusted partner in life; learning and decisions that would’ve made themselves an infinitely better human being. Another set of people, whom I’ve given up on, are those who are blissfully unaware of the ego boost they feed themselves on a daily basis, unaware of the repercussion their action have on others, and worse, on themselves. They probably spent way too much time in the second stage, being aware-but not giving a damn.
I guess the best way to solve the problem is to simply put yourself in the other person’s shoes, comprehend the situation through his/her perspective and then act rationally considering all parameters. If anything, you’d have learnt something from the episode; approaching it through a perspective you normally wouldn’t have explored.
“More the knowledge, less the ego. Lesser the knowledge, more the ego.”- Albert Einstein.