Promises that break, smiles that fade
As she sat there on her bed, knees up to her chest, Natalie wondered if living was worth the pain. Her friends were no longer her friends and now getting up was like climbing a mountain of fears. Would she make it through the school day? Would she even be able to get dressed? It all depended on the day. That was the life of Natalie Bacster. An unpredictable INTROVERT. But maybe that’s what made it special and infact worth living.
January 8, 2013, as Natalie made her way down the main staircase of her middle school, she felt needed. She thought nothing could tear her down at this point in her life. Suddenly, one of her best friends at the time, Sarah yells her name,
“Natalie!, Natalie!” screamed Sarah.
“Oh my god calm down, what’s going on?” Natalie asked in a calming tone.
“Check your phone pronto.” stated Sarah
When Natalie checked her phone, she had no idea that her whole life was about to change.
. “I can’t believe this, I need to get home!” Natalie said hardly getting the courage to speak.
Natalie’s nanna had been battling Ovarian Cancer for 24 years, and sadly the doctor only gave her a few months to live because the Cancer had spread to the brain. As soon as Natalie heard the news she bolted towards the door at the end of a long hallway. She needed to run. So she ran and didn’t stop until she was home. When she got about in about 10 minutes time, her mom, Laura, was waiting for her. Natalie ran into her mom’s arms, she wanted to stay there forever.
“Can we go over nanna’s today?” implied Natalie in a weak voice.
“Honey, she’s still shocked from the news, just give it time.” said Natalie’s mom.
Just as fast as Natalie’s life had changed, tears came streaming down the teenagers face.
“Please god, get me through this!” whispered Natalie while looking at the ceiling.
At this point, Natalie didn’t have the CAPABILITY to even try to be happy. The School was definitely not helping in any way, so as she got her things ready to school she AUTOMATICALLY shed some tears. This cry was not a normal one, it hurt this time. This was not some teenagers way to REBEL against her parents. She was mentally exhausted and wanted to crawl back into bed. Unfortunately, Natalie’s mom would not let that happen.
“Natalie get your butt out of bed right now!”, shouted Natalie’s mom from the bottom of the stairs.
. Natalie allowed herself three more minutes of pain to ADAPT to the thought of going to school and then eventually found the courage to go downstairs and face the real world. Just as she made it down the stairs, she got a text from Sarah.
“Do you have anything to tell me? It feels like we have not talked in CENTURIES! ”, Sarah’s text read.
“No, I don’t want to talk right now, see you at school.”, Natalie stated back.
. There was no answer so Natalie PROCEEDED with her day. While she was at school she noticed something weird going on with some of her friends. She just ignored the feeling but knew that something was definitely going on. Maybe they were just being COMPLACENT. When the bell rang for lunch, Natalie felt so proud that she was. almost through the day. She got her hopes up before they would crumble right in front of her once again.
. As she made her way to the normal table her and her friends sat at, she heard laughing, it got louder and louder as she moved closer to her seat. All her friends were staring at her with looks so cold she got the chills. It was INCREDIBLE, Natalie now knew what was wrong with her friends, the answer was clear and PRECISE.
“Are we bothering you Natalie?” snarled Sarah.
To be continued…
. “Awe look guys, she can’t even speak she’s so embarrassed!” screamed Maggie.
Maggie was Natalie’s enemy. They both were always competing to be better than the other. The other girls never took sides before so everything was so new and VIVID. to Natalie. Now, she RECEIVED a cold look from Sarah.
“Can….you….speak?” Sarah asked in a slow speed.
“Wha..What is going on guys?” Natalie said with a shaky voice.
Even though she knew what she had done wrong, she wanted to pretend like it never happened. She was so ashamed and wanted to crawl under a rock. She knew she could no longer DEPEND on her friends. At this point, everyone in the lunchroom was staring in her direction, waiting for what she was going to say next.
“We read your diary.” stated Maggie.
“How could you? Those are my private thoughts! You had no right.” scowled Natalie.
“Oops, too late.” said Sarah in a high voice.
Almost immediately, the cafeteria filled with laughter like a SYMPHONY. Natalie wished she had never been born. Even worse, she wanted to die. She wrote terrible things about everyone in her diary. EXCEPT she didn’t mean them, she just needed to TRANSFER her anger into writing after a bad day. Natalie quickly ran upstairs to the main office and called her mom on the TELEPHONE, to her surprise, she didn’t answer. She knew something was wrong and suddenly felt like throwing up.
. When she got home..
As Natalie entered her front door, her mom and dad were sitting together crying.
“No, no, no, please don’t say it.” Natalie said quietly.
“Natalie, Nana’s dead.” Natalie’s mom said crying.
It was shaking as if she had HYPOTHERMIA . She lost the RESPECT of her friends, her Nana had passed away and nothing was going right. She suddenly fell to the ground crying. Her world had just shattered into a million pieces and there was nothing she could do about it. When she got the strength to stand she went into her room and looked at a picture of her Nana until she could not stand it anymore.
To be continued.
As Natalie sat in the church pew, she felt as if she were MORPHING into a different person. She felt as if she were learning something but she didn’t know what it was. During the whole service, Natalie couldn’t help but wonder if her Nana were there. She wanted to VERIFY that her Nana was still watching over her. Natalie squeezed her moms hand. She didn’t want to cry in front of all these people. It seemed like the whole POPULATION of Denver,Colorado were there. Natalie didn’t like that, she was very protective of her Nana and had a hard time accepting others grieving at this point. The service was MAGNIFICENT, her Nana would’ve loved it. Natalie still wished her friends were here to support her.
“ Did you enjoy the service?” asked Natalie’s mom.
“ How can I enjoy anything?” Natalie exclaimed with an attitude.
Natalie was told this would BENEFIT her, you know some closure. It’s almost as if she had a PHOBIA of sadness, when it hit her, it hit her bad. She could no longer be SANGFROID, she wanted to explode. Natalie’s ORTHODOX ways to cope with stress couldn’t keep the fury down. She didn’t feel comfortable in her own skin. Like she wanted to rip out her ENDOSKELETON.
She no longer knew the LOCATION of her heart, she couldn’t feel it. The look on her face EJECTED saddens.
Natalie’s RECOGNIZED that her daughter was not the same happy girl anymore. Any mother in this situation for the first time is not an AMATEUR. Natalie’s mom went through the same thing when she was younger so she knows she shouldn’t act like a complete LUNATIC when confronting Natalie.
“Calm and collected.”, whispered Natalie’s mom quietly to herself.
She didn’t even realize she said it out loud until..
“Mom?”, asked Natalie sounding a little nervous.
“Yes honey?”, said Natalie’s mom.
“I meant to ask you something at nana’s funeral, have you ever thought about.. you know..”, said Natalie knowing it’s a little HYPERACTIVE
“About what? My funeral?”, asked Natalie’s mom confused. “That’s DECADES away, I don’t need to think about that now!”
“No mom, I’m basically trying to say…I..I.. I want to die mom.”, said Natalie cautiously.
Natalie’s didn’t know what to say. She needed to stay strong for Natalie but she didn’t know how. It’s VITAL that she say something now.
“Natalie I love you, your dad loves you, your friends….”
“No mom! My friends hate my guts, they want me to die, the whole school does. Just let me die please!”, screamed natalie.
Natalie felt bad for spilling this all on her mother but it had to be said. Natalie’s mom was now worried. No matter what she said, Natalie would commit suicide. That’s how bad of shape she was in. The words that were coming out of Natalie’s mouth were like DYNAMITE to her mom’s ears.
“I don’t know what to say other than you are the most beautiful girl, most intelligent and funny person I know.”, stated Natalie’s mom.
“Well that CONTRADICTS what my friends think of me.”, said Natalie with her head down. “ I feel like no matter what I do they judge me, like I’m under a MICROSCOPE.
**knock at the door**
Natalie goes to answer the door.
“SURPRISE..”, says Sarah.