Facing Rejection with Mindfulness
Rejection is a universal experience that we all encounter at one point or another. This experience commonly leads individuals to feel singled out and lowers self-esteem. This rejection comes in many forms, including, but not limited to, work/career, appearance, and romantic life. Although rejection may look different in each of these circumstances, it still manifests the same inner experiences that foster feelings of inadequacy. Mindfulness is a vital tool that helps conceptualize a sense of self when faced with rejection and subsequent emotional responses.
Work/Career Rejection:
This commonly faced form of rejection is proven to be challenging to navigate. It takes many forms; examples include getting denied an offer from a dream job or getting passed up for a promotion. No matter how it manifests itself, it undoubtedly leads to feelings of inadequacy and ruminating thoughts questioning self-worth. Although it may be easy for the brain to conclude that this rejection is due to not being smart or talented enough, this is not true. These are just the automatic thoughts that arise in the brain as a way to rationalize this rejection. One of the most essential perspectives in mindfulness practice is the ability to recognize that a situation just happened, and it didn’t necessarily happen to you. This motto establishes that rejection is a part of life, and internalizing rejection isn’t necessary. When faced with career rejection, it is essential to detach the experience from your sense of self.
Health and Appearance Rejection:
Another equally painful form of rejection manifests itself when one faces rejection due to physical appearance. This form of rejection directly involves negative judgment based on one’s body or looks. It can intensify insecurities and trigger dissatisfaction with one’s physical appearance. In this instance, it’s essential to understand that the brain looks for reasons to rationalize the experience, which commonly leads to feelings of inferiority. Although it’s natural to feel upset, attending to this rejection with mindfulness can facilitate the healing process. Similar to career/work rejection, it’s important to de-personalize the experience rather than identifying so closely with others’ perceptions. A fundamental insight is offered in a textbook tailored for young adults on mindfulness: “though we may not be able to control whether or not challenging situations or emotions arise, we can choose our relationship to them and what we do with them.” Although we lack control of others’ negative judgments, which may naturally lead to challenging emotions, we can control our relationship to these negative judgments and choose not to internalize them.
Romantic Rejection:
Romantic rejection appears in several ways, whether it be unreciprocated feelings or getting dumped by a partner. Similar to other forms of rejection, it leads to self-doubt and insecurity and may lead individuals to question their worth, attractiveness, or compatibility. This form of rejection may even evoke a sensation similar to physical pain. This response is understandable as fMRI studies indicate that the same areas of the brain become activated when we experience rejection as when we experience physical pain. (Psychology Today, 2013) I would argue that romantic rejection is the hardest for individuals to reconcile, making it especially challenging to face with mindfulness. An important step towards this mindful approach is present-moment awareness, which fosters the ability to stay current in the present moment instead of ruminating and dwelling on the experienced pain. Another equally substantial method is to practice self-compassion. This is done by engaging in practices that treat oneself with kindness and understanding and recognizing that you are not worthless just because one person doesn’t see your worth. Using mindfulness to combat the inner challenges of romantic rejection assists emotional recovery and allows room to grow and learn from the experience.
I commonly quote the famous phrase, “Rejection is redirection.” Although it may be hard to come to terms with the phrase at the moment, having trust in the idea that something better awaits provides long-term satisfaction. Mindfully attending to the unpleasant thoughts and emotions that arise from rejection helps to put that phrase into practice.