Late night ramblings

What's it like when you want so much to do something great with your life, but the path you're on feels like a terrible dead end?

When you're 20 years old, in the middle of college, looking for jobs on the internet and you find absolutely nothing that values the degree you're studying your ass off to get?

When you question absolutely every decision you've made in your life that led to this 1 a.m. semi-panic attack that makes you stuff your head under a pillow because you just can't look at the computer anymore?

Unfortunately, this isn't one of those articles where you're gonna find the answer to any of these questions by the end.

This is about not being sure anymore. This is about probably never being sure again. Because being sure leads you to dead ends. And I have no idea if this is a negative or positive outlook on life, or if anything should even be reduced to dualities like that, but thinking or even pretending that you know what you want when you're in your late "decision-making" teenage years is one of the hugest mistakes in the world.

Some people take those so called gap years. Some people are forced to wait another year before going to college simply because they didn't get in when the rest of their class did. And let me tell you, as a 17 year old I was 100% sure of what I wanted to do in college, what I wanted to do with my life even — I had it all planned out, just like a good 17 year old would. And today I would've killed for waiting another year. For sitting it out, taking smaller courses, discovering what the hell the world looked like outside of high school, before making any life changing decisions.

But of course, these "gap years" are a privillege this damn system allows too little of us to have. And honestly, there's not much I can say about that.