It was the top of the morning when the text alert sound let me know that a friend’s text had arrived. The message made me laugh. “Imma need you to find a place to eat, drink & celebrate (outside) when I get back. My treat for your hospitality & toast…

When you believe something is right or wrong and ignore or reject anything that may fall between these two extremes, you fuel negative emotions of anger, frustration, disappointment, and even anxiety. This unhelpful thinking style kept me writing for many years. Now that I have replaced my all-or-nothing belief about…

How we talk to ourselves, that inner voice matters. When negative self-talk dominates our thoughts, our executive functioning, a.k.a problem-solving abilities, decline, and our emotions increase. Fortunately, journaling, distanced self-talk talking to ourselves in the second or third person, and temporal distancing, thinking about how we will fill about the…

I thought that “I” statements helped ensure I owned up to my mistakes. But Ethan Kross explains in his book Chatter that it’s better to use “distanced self-talk.” Kross points out that when we talk about ourselves in the second or third person, we perform better, get clarity, and make…

What you are reading is not the essay I planned to write. But a trending hashtag has landed on me hard. I got a verbal summary from a friend who gently explained the tragic news. I tried to block out the thought that a video of a young woman’s death…

Thoughts are not facts. But Lord knows when I’m in my feelings, I tend to wrap myself in a blanket of emotional righteousness. During these times, every thought feels like the absolute truth. In the book Chatter, Ethan Kross shares a study where participants reflected on an upsetting event from…

It helps to put our negative self-talk into context. Context is beneficial in stressful situations where negative self-talk can dominate our thoughts. …

We need to watch who we talk to ourselves. The tricky part is noticing when we are ruminating instead of reflecting, planning, or recalling important details. Oprah Winfrey said, “What you focus on expands, and when you focus on the goodness in your life, you create more of it.” …

We need to embrace failure. One wildest, most memorable icebreaker happened at a Creative Problem Solving Institute (CPSI) Conference. It was a facilitator training, and the exercise taught us how to get the most out of brainstorming sessions. After introductions, the other workshop participants and I slowly rose from our…