I’m not qualified to be doing this, and everyone is about to find out.
Wait — there’s a name for that?
This is how I feel before I present work sometimes. I say sometimes, but it is definitely more often than I would like to admit.
Well, that precise thought has a name and it is a very real thing — it’s called Imposter syndrome. Imposter Syndrome you might be wondering — simply stated, it is a thought pattern where generally high-achieving individuals are not able to internalize their accomplishments marked by a persistent fear of being exposed as a “fraud”.
Whether it was a basketball game in junior high, piano lessons, or the various internships I did while in college- the fear of being found out still remains.
I didn’t even know about Imposter Syndrome until my manager at a past internship asked the question, “Natalie, have you ever heard of Imposter Syndrome? I have it, and I definitely think you have it.”
This lead to some furious Googling and me subsequently saying, “Holy shit, Internet — please stop explaining the undercurrent of my entire youth.”
Also, a lot of famous people have Imposter Syndrome, and if I’ve learned anything through my experiences with bad acne — it’s that if you can find a celebrity that suffers from it, you’re going to feel much better about having it. One of my favorite authors, Maya Angelou, also suffered from Imposter Syndrome. Reading that, you kind of think, well HECK — if Maya Angelou thought she was bad at writing, I can’t be that at whatever it is that I am trying to do.
“I have written 11 books, but each time I think, ‘Uh oh, they’re going to find out now. I’ve run a game on everybody, and they’re going to find me out.” — Maya Angelou
I recently started thinking about Imposter Syndrome again after a review at work where I was told I needed to improve my confidence. More specifically, that when I present I need to own what I am presenting rather than approaching it with the tone of, “So, what do you guys think?” It was great feedback, and certainly in an area which I am all too familiar with. It is almost like, if I present my work in a tone where I’m not asserting that I wholeheartedly believe in what I made, then maybe if I’m wrong I won’t be exposed or viewed as unfit. Having the issue resurface in my review has gently nudged me to take some steps to address this thought pattern because it continues to pop-up as I begin my career. While I am trying to improve my dealings with Imposter Syndrome, what I have learned is that there is no quick fix and addressing it involves conscious daily action to make even tiny changes.
Some things I have found helpful to keep in mind are:
1. Stop comparing yourself to others (or rather, reframe how you do it).
I am so bad for this one, I constantly compare myself to people around me. In some ways, this has allowed me to constantly challenge myself to keep learning and growing in whatever area I am focussing on. On the other hand, it often leaves me feeling super shitty where I begin to discount the skills and talents that I have because I begin to pay more attention to my weaknesses. If anything, I’ve noticed that not comparing myself to others is almost impossible, but I try my hardest to reframe how I speak about it inside my head. Instead of using it as a way for me to cut myself down, I prefer to recognize that someone else is good at something and then ask myself how I can learn from them or apply their approach to something I am working on.
2. Being wrong does not mean you are an undeserving fraud.
I wouldn’t necessarily say that I am scared of being wrong — however, I do seem to make an association in my head that if I am wrong about something that means that I am not qualified to be doing whatever it is that I am trying. That’s just the thing though, I have an idea of perfection that lives in my head that frankly isn’t real. Every time I am wrong or make a mistake, I am presented with an opportunity to learn and grow from it. When I look back at that, logically it makes sense that mistakes allow you to get even better at the task at hand, as long as you view them as opportunities and not deal breakers.
3. Remember that you deserve to be where you are.
I even felt uncomfortable typing that just now. My peers around say this often, “you deserve to be where you are, you’ve worked hard at it.” It is hard for me to use the word “deserve” because I feel like using it implies some kind of snobbery or entitlement. It is okay to acknowledge opportunities that come to you and to admit and accept that you have worked hard to be where you are. I’m starting to learn that you can own your accomplishments while still expressing gratitude. Gratitude comes in many forms, but it also reminds us that we are no more deserving than anyone else either.
4. Remember the good things and say them to yourself.
How do we practice change when it comes to thought patterns? Journaling can be helpful along with various techniques outlined through Cognitive Behavioral Therapy which help us become conscious of the thoughts that inform our actions. It sounds cliche but I have found that stating self-affirmations in the morning while I do my makeup can positively benefit my frame of mind for the day. They don’t need to be complex or long winded, but saying them out loud as a statement of intention seems to be helping me make a change. We aren’t always conscious of it, yet one of the most powerful tools we have is how we speak about ourselves in our head.