Goodbye

I was wearing my black shorts and an old, torn up, but very comfortable “South Haven, Michigan sweatshirt.” Outside it was a little windy, but the darkness was all around us with minimal moonlight shining through the purple clouds. We had the car windows open just a little in the two front seats, not open enough to hear the traffic we saw passing by but just open enough to be able to hear some crickets in the grass. About every two minutes we would get blinded by the flood of light coming in from a passing car, but other than that we were surrounded by the night. The smell of vanilla was barely there anymore from his months-old, yellow pine tree car freshener, but every time there was just the slightest breeze I got a whiff of the vanilla and the cologne he was wearing.

Everyone has one moment they’re dreading for months, and this was mine. I had known this moment was going to happen since February 6th, 2016, but nothing had prepared me for it. I planned to shed a couple tears, but I was not expecting the hours of crying that followed those. I felt a whole sea of emotions, unable to comprehend if I was feeling upset, frustrated, mad, or a mixture of all. My head felt clouded and everything was spinning, the bright lights from cars all a blur. I listened to City and Colour sing:

“But I will see you again, I will see you again a long time from now.”

I knew in the back of my mind I would see him again, but it still felt like I was losing him. Everything in that moment felt awful, but I still wanted it to last as long as it could. I said goodbye to him. I won’t see him again until October 7th, but I will be seeing him again.

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