A kid’s search for meaning
It’s funny how we all search for a special meaning in our lives. We want to know we’re special, that we have purpose and that we were not merely put on this earth to live and then to die. This is where things like faith comes in, but that’s a whole other post (forreal).
I think I’ve spent my whole life doing this. Every decision, every interaction, every moment spent on increasing my self worth and developing my self identity. The concept is starting to boggle me. I love science, don’t get me wrong. It explains things in such a logical way, it’s digestible, tangible, evidence-based. However, the best courses I’ve taken this year are not science courses. The courses where I (truly) believe I have acquired ANY bit of value were my sociology of the body course and religious studies course. Not to bore you with the details, but these courses pretty much quenched my thirst for life’s answers. Why do I live, why should I die, where do I go when I die, WHAT IS MY PURPOSE IN THE GRAND SCHEME OF THINGS?
I’m sure these are all questions you too want answers for. Human beings want to know things, it’s pretty much innate. Knowledge = Power. The first things that pop into our minds in the morning, “why do I have to go to class” or “why am I still working here”. What is my purpose. And this is a damn hard question to answer.
It’s interesting to see those who are what I’d like to describe as, hypermotivated. They’re the people with a path, they know how to get there, they’ve strapped in and got their blinders on. I also believe that these people are the ones that haven’t learned about what’s out there yet — and could definitely thrive in another field.
Our discomfort with ambiguity truly intrigues me. Why are we so scared of the unknown? Because it’s unknown. It’s unpredictable. And so far my answer, for most people, will be the most unsatisfying thing you can imagine. We have to embrace that we won’t know the answers (I’m sorry). We won’t know our purpose, we don’t know where we go when we die, we don’t know why we are even here. But until you realize and begin to accept that you won’t know, you also won’t live happily.
But ask yourself, do you need to know. The answer is no, because you’ve lived this long without knowing. Not knowing your purposes doesn’t mean you give up on everything, it means you do what you feel like doing. You have agency. Take time to self reflect, to try a variety of things, to fail and to succeed. It’s foolish to think we can embark on some mythical path of success to our “dream” jobs, when we haven’t lived a single day doing it.
Our anxieties come from the fear of failure. It’s cliche, but it’s damn true. We are scared to fall flat on our face, because it’s embarrassing. People will shame us, we will shame ourselves. Failures are a big deal if you let them be. Whether it be a bad mark, missed opportunity or relationship — it’s okay to mess up.