Dealing With Difficult Stakeholders
“Your insights are fluffy”
Yes, you will one day sit in a room across from someone that will do nothing but challenge you on every point. Even if you are providing valuable insights — It happens to the best of us.
There was a time in my life when I had to work in a very toxic workplace: the only reason why I pushed through that difficult time was thanks to 1. Supportive colleagues 2. The need for income 3. Fear of being unemployed: employers weren’t keen on hiring anybody during COVID-19 in my country.
By nature, I am resilient, so I wouldn’t quit unless I had something else already lined up. I found myself under a very micromanaging boss who would call me every 2 (two) hours to check on my progress — I had to work between 12 to 14 hours per day and sometimes, work would get so bad that I would have to stay up until 4 am. The upper management did not make our lives easy: They would harshly criticize our work in front of the whole company, and they especially did not believe in work-life balance.
I found myself stuck in a situation where I did not see any light at the end of the tunnel. Upper management already knew how the culture of the company was and it did not bother them. They did not find their turnover rate to be that much of an issue.
How was I able to hold it together for more than a year?
To put it shortly: I was in a toxic environment with a very demanding and micromanaging boss and I could not afford to quit.
My only concern was: How do I make the situation better for myself?
The answer is simple: If you cannot beat them, join them.
I did not have to read the book “The 48 Laws of Power” by Robert Greene to figure out a solution. The road to lesser stress and I mean lesser stress, not NO stress, is the ability to learn exactly what your stakeholders need. In addition to that, you need to figure out a way of communicating their need in the best way possible.
I quickly understood that instead of telling them, for instance, that their requests are ambiguous, to schedule a One-to-One “to ask for more guidance and clarification”.
Everything is a question of positive positioning. You need to start learning the kind of verbiage and tone that they would like to hear so that they feel that you are valuable to them. Of course, that does not mean that your workload is going to decrease, but they might let some things slide.
Start noticing how they treat other stakeholders, what they praise, what they need, what they dismiss…etc. Start approaching them from a solution mindset, rather than a problem mindset. For any obstacle that you are facing, do not go to your boss only pointing out the bad, also bring your suggestion on how to solve the issue. This would make you look like a hero and they will start seeing you in a new light.
Also, pay attention to what you’re wearing at work. Business attire plays a big role in how people treat you. You’re being judged every day by the way that you are dressed. It is a sad reality, but the keyword here is “reality”. Sometimes, the only reason why you are being treated better than others is simply due to the way that you present yourself. Do not underestimate the power of looking sharp and professional.
Do not give them a reason to castigate you. Your performance serves as a shield when it comes to the workplace. If you are not at the top of your game, they will eventually find a valuable reason to come at you. Do not give them the satisfaction of finding reasonable evidence to give you some side comments.
Instill proper boundaries. Do not let any company gaslight you into thinking that you are a family because the second you stop performing they call you “dead weight”. However, if a stakeholder is being mean and unreasonable; feel free to stand up for yourself. Be direct, but civil. It is all a game of words, and your vocabulary is primordial to help you get away from conflict with the least amount of damage. You need to have a backbone; voice your opinion, push back where necessary, or leave if respect is no longer being served. This should instill respect and it will show them that you are not a doormat that they can use and abuse however they deem fit.
Of course, all the tips in the world can only take you so far. While working on lessening the stress, look for other opportunities and learn from your past mistakes.
One last thing: Do not ever burn bridges.
You never know if in the future you will find yourself in a position where you deal with your former employer again as an employee, as a potential business partner, or even as a customer. Make sure you keep things cordial and polite.
But know that no matter what…
Difficult stakeholders are everywhere, they come in all shapes and sizes. If you think that when you quit and find another job you will be off the hook, then you’re being delusional. Every company you step your feet in will have some type of difficult stakeholders; the only difference could be that you’re either unfortunate enough to land in a company that encourages it or fortunate enough to find yourself in a company that fosters a supportive environment.
