A Road Trip back to a Balanced Life

In 2009, I had just bought my first house at 30 on my own, had a job making more money than I had ever thought I would, and a substantial amount of friendships that made me feel comfortable and complete. I wasn’t in any kind of permanent relationship, nor did I want to be in one at the time. Life. Was. Good. I had a freedom that had been my companion for more than 10 years, and that, in my own opinion, was the best asset I owned.
Fast track to being offered a new, better paying job a year later and meeting the love of my life. This guy was funny, hard working, attractive, and most of all damaged. Yes, he was the guy I had always seen myself eventually settling down with but his “baggage” consisted of a complicated divorce (an even more complicated ex-wife) and three young daughters. For some reason though I feared NOTHING about this situation. In hindsight, I think I should’ve maybe taken things a little bit slower, but anyone who knows me, knows I usually jump before I look.
The first year we dated I never met his children. It was that honeymoon period, you know, where you go on long walks by the lake eating ice cream cones laughing at everything the other one says type of period. Lots of weekends away together while the kids were with their mother or grandparents. But after a year, he felt it was the right time for his daughters to meet me and vice versa. No problem! I LOVE kids! And all the pictures and stories he had already shared with me made me all the more ready…right?
I got along with these three little angels like they were my nieces. I spoiled them with desserts and movies, coloring books and fun art activities. Why? Because they weren’t my kids, I didn’t see them all the time, and it was a brief moment where I could be the “cool friend of daddy’s” so why not?! As time progressed, he and I became more serious and eventually moved in together; he had the girls full-time now, so of course we did this with their blessings.
So now that you know my little back story, here’s my dilemma (for lack of a better word), I miss my old friend freedom! I know, I know, I just sat here and described the fact that I consciously knew he had 3 children full time but I never realized the actual amount of time these new found kids of mine would take up. And now I sit here being the housekeeper (without the uniform), the short order cook (I’m no Gordon Ramsay), the Uber driver (with no pay, let alone even a tip), with an over-exhausted and an even more over weight body (no time for exercise), and a bank account that is almost non-existent some days (due to band fees and sports pictures 24/7). I’m on a constant overload of emotions from love, to being a proud parent, to guilt, to annoyance, and frustration. I’ve gotten to the point where I can’t even look at another chicken nugget without wanting to throw it back in good ol’ Ronald McDonald’s face.
In a giant nut shell, I want to find a balance of having some of my own personal freedom and being able to have a family with all the responsibilities that come with it. How am I supposed to do that now??? I started subscribing to Step-Mother blogs, reading life coaching and spiritual articles, stalking weight loss Instagram stories, and researching anything that will help me find that infamous balance people like Oprah preach about. But wait, she’s a bazillionaire, so scratch Oprah, maybe more like Kristina Kuzmic (Truth Bomb Mom @KristinaKuzmic). What I realized I needed the most was an outlet, a place where I could let out all of my doubt ridden, cry in the car, punch someone in the face, I want to eat 4 Twinkies instead of a salad thoughts. So HERE I AM. And its crazy to think I actually already feel 10 percent better just writing what I have so far. I feel like this is my first mile on a long unplanned road trip back to ME.
