In the name of the Dorne

This is me. A strong back on the wall. Crying out loud, like Martells. “Unbowed, unbent, unbroken”
I have no reason left to live. I can’t get any joy out of life anymore. Fucking, alcohol, soccer games, masturbation..
None works out.
I am back to square one. This time i have no idea how to get back on my feet, how to deal with my problem or problems. It is getting worse and worse, moment by moment.
Because I lost my other half. I just want to get drowned for a while and forget everything. It reminds me of 2011. The year I loved and got dumped.
I have been dumped more than you can ever imagine. I dealt with them nicely because those meant nothing.
I can see her fading away faster than ever. She started fading away around a moth ago and after that break up talk, she faded away.
I have no reason, I have no reason to live, work or make my way back to carreer goals or expectations. More she fades away, more i lose it. Got to hit to the shower, eat, brush my teeth, open up my social media accounts, do my “alive” deeds.
Instead, i am drinking. Didnt even have breakfast, didn’t even washed my face today. I am drowning in a swarm and i need to get out of it as soon as possible even though i can not without her by my side.
I am a deadbeat, a fuck up or however you name it. Will try not to stay like this forever, though. Will try to rise up and shine.