On this week, the nature of us

[Content warning: suicide, transphobia]

On October 30th, 2010, Dr. Daniel Cooke killed himself with a shotgun at his home. His wife was in the room next door.

On March 22nd, 2010, I successfully defended my Ph.D. dissertation to my committee, Dr. Brian Nutter, Dr. Ranadip Pal, Dr. Per Andersen, Dr. Sunanda Mitra, and Dr. Daniel Cooke.

I haven’t thought about Dr. Cooke in some time.

On Tuesday, a developer, incensed that a company whose trademark he was infringing worked with npm to settle the issue, pulled all of his modules off of npm. This set of a chain reaction, breaking most Node projects. Lots of people were furious. Some were furious at him, others at npm, and yet others at the others who were furious.

On a day many years ago, when I was in elementary school, I was at lunch. My parents didn’t have a lot of money, my dad was going back to school. They couldn’t afford brand name drinks, much less the school lunch that most kids bought. Some other kids made fun of my store brand drink.

The vast majority of people I know have no idea what it’s like for your entire family to live paycheck to paycheck.

On Wednesday, North Carolina passed legislation that discriminates against LGBT people. This legislation makes it illegal for counties or towns to try and not discriminate against trans people, among other things.

I’m thinking of all my trans friends.

On a day several years ago, a date I don’t remember, my uncle passed away. He was single his entire life. He was a devout Baptist in a deeply fundamentalist town. I had no idea he was gay.

On Tuesday, someone I know contemplated jumping off the roof of their apartment building. We aren’t particularly close, but I still consider her a friend.

On February 4th, 2015, that same friend convinced me to apply to speak at JSConf EU. I had never been to Europe before.

On September 27th, 2015, in Berlin, I spoke at JSConf EU. It was my birthday.

I’m so very grateful she’s still around.

Why do we hurt each other so much?

Why do we hurt ourselves?

Why do we delve so deep into the minutia of our daily lives that the mundane becomes a hill that we must die on?

I know the answer before the question has even left my lips.

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