The Importance of Coming Out Bisexual

Today is National Coming Out Day. As basically all of you know already, I’m bi. But I don’t want to talk about me today, instead I want to talk about the importance of coming out bi.

Bi people aren’t out at nearly the same rates as gay/lesbian people according to a recent Pew survey. My personal experience seems to back this up too: I know way more bi people in the closet than gay/lesbian people.

I get why that’s the case too. Coming out is hard, it’s uncomfortable, it can ruin relationships, and even put us in physical danger. Staying in the closet seems like it’s by far the safer option. And it’s a lot easier to stay in the closet when your bi since you can ignore the part of you that likes people of the same gender, something bi and lesbian people can’t do.

Staying in the closet carries a price with it though. It keeps others from knowing who we really are. We end up having to put up with a lot more microaggressions because homophobes think they’re “among friends.” We get stressed out over people finding out who we are, and who knows what. Keeping stories straight and controlling information is really hard and a source of stress and anxiety. It takes a pretty dramatic toll.

Here’s the thing though, we don’t usually realize how stressful it is until we come out, and that stress is suddenly gone. It’s like having a blindfold lifted that we didn’t realize we were wearing.

It’s revelatory.

Here’s the thing though: I said above that staying in the closet carries a price, but the unfortunate reality is that coming out carries a price too. I’m an affluent cis white guy living in SF, so the price is pretty minimal for me, but for people of color, people living in conservative parts of the country, and so on? The cost can be a lot higher. Deciding whether to stay in the closet or come out is ultimately a weighing of these costs and seeing which one sucks less.

Because the reality is we’re faced with having to choose between two shitty options.

Still.

But that’s also why it’s also important to come out. Coming out is the single most effective way to effect social change. I’m not saying you have to become an activist or anything. Just be out. Treat it like it’s the most normal thing in the world, just like saying what your favorite band is, or your favorite movie. You don’t have to suddenly become a film critic.

If you’re not in a place where it’s safe for you to come out, then do what you need to do to. Your safety comes before anything else.

However, if you’re still in the closet because coming out would be annoying, or mildly uncomfortable, or you think it’s not important, well, I have a problem with that. Being able to come out with minimal risk is a fucking privilege. Not many people are so lucky, and you could be doing something to help people less privileged than you. There’s nothing wrong with being privileged in and of itself, but there is something wrong with squandering that privilege and not helping those less privileged than you.

For better or worse, being bi means we’re innately part of a community, a conversation, a movement, an oppressed group, an erased group. Coming out is one of the single most important and effective things we can do to help our community.

So if you can come out today, you should come out. For yourself and for the rest of our community.