Me and My Fear of Driving.

Many of you may know about my fear of driving. You may know this about me since often the first thing I say to the people I meet is “Do you have a car, do you need a headshot, and would you like to barter for some driving lessons?” Many people point out that this may actually be the reason why I am single.

Lately it has come to my attention that this in fact, is not the best situation for me.

I woke up with this new found willingness yesterday, and before I could change my mind, I went onto my long ago created Zipcar account and reserved a car. What happened next was some strong heart palpitations and some display of stars in my vision. I call my sister and she tells me “It’s gonna be great! Call me when you get into the car”. If she was genuinely being supportive or she was simply planning to put out an amber alert I wouldn’t know. But I don’t care — I’m driving a car all by my lonesome self.

Fast forward, I’m in an Uber heading to my Zipcar — yea I know that’s ironic -but it’s also cold.

I arrive to a black — 6 foot wide, heavy door that’s cracked open the tiniest bit, and on the side it says “Zipcar’s here” ok ok, I got this — I’m being all brave today. I push the door open and walk into a dark narrow hallway, walking further down to where cars are parked I spot — in all it’s beauty — my Zipcar. There are a few other cars parked there, but my eyes are only for the one. Now mind you, I only rented the car for an hour. So to make use of my time I quickly jump into the car and the first thing I notice is the extremely low steering wheel — whoever was in the car before me was — short — and I’m also going to assume — small. I spend two minutes trying to figure out how to change that and it’s a no go so I’m just like F***ck THAT and I move on. I start the car and the windshield wipers go nuts. I rush to figure how how to shut THAT up and I’m messing with all these buttons….to make this long ass story short I’ll just say, THAT takes about five minutes. I arrange all the mirrors everything is ALL good to go and now it is time to get out of this place. I grip the wheel and I can feel my pulse like a jack in the box — but as I mentioned before, I got this — and so I start backing up. I can feel myself sitting straighter and I am grinning from ear to ear — I have finally become a mature young adult.

BTW, this car is about 6–7 feet long and the space is about 12 feet long — and situated smack in the middle of those 12 feet, stand two poles — in addition to that this is my first time driving alone. So I back up with all this (misplaced) confidence meaning back up than turn around front face first to smoothly drive down the narrow hallway outta the place. However, once I back up to the wall, one of the freakin poles are blocking my way. Great. Right away I’m like “easy, I’m just going to drive forward and around that damn pole and head out!” Brilliant! though two minutes later I find the car to be sideways in between the two poles and I can only move two feet forward before I bump into the first pole — or the car in front of me, and two feet back before I bump into the second pole. So NOW I’m freaking out — just a bit — let’s just say — mature young adult my ass!

So I call my sister and I’m like I AM STUCK! I AM FREAKN STUCK IN A FREAKIN GARAGE! AND I CANNOT MOVE!!

She’s like “First of all, Lolololol.

Second of all, I’m at work I’m going to put you on Video chat.” Then she says: “try not to curse there are kids around.” (Oh, she knows me all too well). We’re on video chat, her face is surrounded by a whole bunch of faces poking out of her screen — all her colleagues gotta see this. I get out of the car and show them the situation I stand there patiently as they all debate what they think I should do — All around nice peeps… they look back at me and they are like “First of all, Lolololol. Secondly, get back into the car and turn your wheel all the way to the left and go back and forth till it turns straight. I’m like interesting, 🤔 ok.

While I’m going back and forth for the next five to ten minutes three thoughts cross my mind:

One: If there is a video camera in this garage SOMEONE IS currently — or will be dying from laughter.

Two: If that video goes viral I hope to appear on Ellen and receive a very very nice car (preferably a Talsa — you know, for trying.)

And lastly, I need to change this tactic because I am not too sure about this advice.

Once I arrived to thought #3 and a few heartbeats later, I somehow manage to figure out how to make the car straight again. When it’s back to the way I found it, I have two options.

One: I can just leave this GD forsaken place Two: I can try again — and be smarter about it.

I have about 20 minutes left to the hour so I go with option two.

I figure out how to get my car backwards and I start to reverse down the narrow NARROW hallway. At this point I don’t even care when I of course 🙄 bump smack into some bikes hanging against the wall — whoops whatever, I’m over it. I’m close to the gate but the car is facing downhill and this scene from a recent TV show I was watching — where a car went flying down a hill when the person got out of it — flashes through my mind. I couldn’t help but think it was some kind of foreshadowing for me. I’m also terrified to enter the street in reverse — that’s just gonna be real bad. After some quick debating I drive back down the narrow hallway, park the car seamlessly (you know, I now have all this new experience 🤪)

With five minutes left to the rental, I am pleasantly surprised when I call Zipcar and say — “I can’t get the car outta the garage” The fella is like “No problem you will receive the refund to your account I’m 3–5 business days.”

Coolio.

I get of the phone — finally take a pause, and just sitting there I can hear — actually hear the quiet of the car and the garage. My hands go to my face as if it’s holding it all together and I find this joy and hilariousness of this whole situation and I just start cracking up — literally cracking up for about 3 minutes.

I can’t see in front of me as I walk home because at that time the snow was coming down strong so I figured I had a good lesson on how to maneuver a car in a small space — which living in Brooklyn I guess is a good thing, plus I was saved from driving in THIS awful weather. I’m just going to assume it was an all around good experience.

Also I’m still cracking up 🤣