These chairs are extremely uncomfortable, gosh can I feel any less restless?!?! A hot latte right at this moment would be oh so perfect.

The Professor is still going on and on about his son who just purchased a new car. He cannot believe his very own son was stupid enough to buy a Chrysler for GD sakes

“Who the F*** buys American cars?!?!”

The poor guy takes a breather slowly shaking his head from side to side

“l am 85 — I know better but the kid, he’s only 20.”

Okay, I have had enough this will most definitely NOT be on the midterm Exam.

I quietly stand up to leave the room.

“LEITNER!”

His cane is awfully close to my nose

“You may miss some very pertinent information!”

He’s not kidding

“Uhh, professor I simply need the restroom.”

“Then why the 5 dollar bill?”

The cane is now tapping my palm which is in fact holding on to a Lincoln.

“Uhh, I was going to also pick up some coffee???”

The guy squints his eyes, looks at me — I cringe

He then waves me away with a shaky hand

“Go ahead!”

As the door closes behind me, he quickly catches it with that GD forsaken cane.

“Get me a coffee will ya?”

He fumbles through his jean pants pocket, takes out two crumpled Dollar bills and hands it to me

“Two sugars no milk — bad for cholesterol” With his cane pointing towards the ceiling he yells “Those damn doctors taking away the one thing that gives me pleasure!”

Man! Poor poor guy!

Once that debacle is over I realize I actually do need the restroom — shocker

As I open the door to the restroom I begin to stress about whether the professor said two sugars or one. I can only imagine that cane pointed at my nose “I SAID TWO SUGARS! LOOKS LIKE WE FOUND THE PERFECT MATCH FOR MY SON AND HIS NEW CHRYSLER!!”

I gotta chill — though to be honest I completely agree about the car.

Something on the floor catches my eye and immediately I look down.

What the hell is THAT?

This box with wires hanging out is staring at me and my hearts goes straight to my mouth. I take a closer look while my heart flips to my stomach and beats like a jack in the box. On the side of the box there is what looks like to be a red flashing dot.

Oh no — oh no

I run out of the restroom without taking another closer look — or thinking — obviously.

At the office I walk straight to the woman sitting at the front desk

“Excuse me ma’am”

She looks up

“Ok, this may sound strange and I am not exactly sure if I am crazy or not — I may in fact be crazy — it is a strong possibility I don’t actually know - however I think — I am assuming — or it looks like — actually I didn’t look too carefully I probably should have but I just ran out -

Anyway, there is a bomb in the women’s bathroom.”

By the time I take a breather the woman’s eyebrows are touching her hairline.

We stare at each other for what seems like a minute -

When she begins to laugh I find myself feeling like I am five years old all over again

“I am telling you!” I desperately point towards the restroom “There is this box on the floor with wires sticking out of it and a red blinking dot! You have got to believe me, it’s defenatly a bomb!”

She stops laughing for a second, and I realize she is about six feet tall when she stands up from here chair.

“Ok dear, let me go take a look”

I feel the warmth of her palm when she pats me ever so lightly on my shoulder -

Condescending Bi***

I stay at the office and wait for her, you know — safety first.

Returning from the restroom and walking right up to me, she taps my shoulder — again — tilts her head to the left side, looks down at me in a sad sad way and says ever so slowly:

“It is called a soap dispenser dear”

“Hu?”

“Yep, came outta the wall and fell onto the floor.”

She walks back behind her desk while taking a deep intake of breath, already sifting through some papers. I simply stand there not sure what to do next.

I am about to turn back to class though I pause when I hear her call out -

“If that thing blew up the very worst — would be those damn bathroom stalls smelling half decent for once!”

And for about a second I feel so utterly foolish and then… how hilarious — a soap dispenser?!?!

Who knew…

I find myself cracking up as I walk back into class…

“NU?!?!?! WHERE IS MY DAMN COFFEE!?”

Oh man!!

“I didn’t go in the end.”

“WHY NOT?!?! DID YOU BUY A CHRYSLER INSTEAD?!?! WHAT’S WRONG WITH YOU?”

His cane is in my face — again — but I don’t care — A soap dispenser!

I return the two bucks before I sit back down and not even a second later it suddenly hits me why I went to the restroom in the first place.

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