When I’m simply bored at 2:00 AM watching ‘Friends’ for the 100th time after drinking wayyy too much coffee so sleep is so out of the question — out comes the dating apps.

Sometimes I think I’ll find ‘The Guy’, though mostly I just want to be entertained. Honestly, how can I be entertained by ‘friends’ when I’ve watched it 100 times?!

But I’ve got to say, going on these apps bring up oh so many questions.

For instance, when guys have 5 different pictures of their one dog and none whatsoever of themselves, I often wonder, do they want to DATE the dog?!? Or do they think girls would be like, “Yeuup! I would love to go out with this… this… Whatever.”

I mean think about it, how disappointed is that girl going to be when she shows up to the date thinking it’s the adorable dog and then YOU show up?!?

“IT WASN’T A DOG!!! IT WAS JUST A REGULAR — OR LESS THAN REGULAR — GUY!!”

The best is when the first picture is a group photo of around 5 guys, the second is so incredibly pixelated I cannot tell between the eyeball and the nostrils, the third is another group of guys, the fourth — a LAFFA.

WITH HUMMUS!!!

Oh would I looove to go on a date with THAT…

Sometimes I swipe left so much that I’m afraid the app is going to flash some sign across the screen:

“!!THIS IS WHY YOU ARE SINGLE!!”

It is so lovely when the first picture is a very decent picture ….. and I am like ok, ok, and the rest…. well let’s just say 20 years ago his friend got that one fantastic shot and was like: “THIS IS THE ONE, THIS IS THE ONE, FOREVER AND ALWAYS!The absolute best is when I see five pics of George Clooney… GD almighty. In all seriousness, if you were going to pick someone why not Zack Efron?!? Or Chris Hemsworth, he is a catch. And okay, if you were meaning to go with someone old you should definitely have gone with iron man — paaaalease!!

And those people who simply use a blank — black pic — NO — it is not a blank canvas, IT IS A BLACK PIC THAT I WOULD NOT LIKE TO DATE.

Ok, that’s all I got

You know…without being incredibly rude and or offensive.

Whatever.

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