In His Own World? Um… NO.

Nina Fiore
Jul 24, 2017 · 3 min read
My son at age 3, on a play date with one of his closest friends.

I can’t remember how often over the past 6 years someone has commented that my autistic son seems to “be in his own world”. This is usually either after I’ve told them his Autism dx or if the person is someone who has been trained to work with autistics. This tired, antiquated, inaccurate phrase has been spread around by organizations like Autism Speaks and by ‘experts’ in the field who approach autistics with preconceived, inaccurate notions.

My son is not in any way “in his own world”. He is, in fact, very acutely aware of this world, where he is both desperately trying to fit in and yet also trying to protect himself from the neurotypical people who attack him daily for just being himself.

If he is in the playground, playing on the sidelines and not interacting with a group of children, it is because he is a very alert, very sensitive soul, who has tried to join groups many many times. In those experiences, he has often been hurt by rude comments from both adults and children, by stares, by glares, and by teasing and bullying.

He has heard children say “Don’t let him play with us; He’s weird” over and over. He has heard adults say to their kids, “Stay away from him; Something’s wrong with him” over and over. He has heard adults and kids ask me, “What’s wrong with him?” over and over. He has heard adults say “He’s in his own world” over and over. He has seen kids and adults make fun of him, get angry at him, and exclude or ignore him, over and over and over.

I’ve noticed that, because he has trouble speaking, he has become extra sensitive to people’s energies. So if children approach him with a sense of him being odd, not bright, or in some way “not normal”, he doesn’t interact with them much.

There was a great example of this last month — my graduate school roommate came to visit us from Germany with his wife and 3 kids. He only told the kids that my son “didn’t speak German”, so they didn’t approach him with any hesitance. They didn’t feel sorry for him, they didn’t doubt his intelligence. They only thought he didn’t know German.

My son played and interacted with these children completely and thoroughly for the entire visit. He connected with these children in a way I’ve rarely seen him connect with other kids save for a very select few over the years. I fully believe this is because they didn’t approach him with any “deficiencies” in mind. When they heard him verbally stimming, they just assumed that he was “speaking English”, and nothing more. And my son fully sensed their positive energy towards him, and responded in kind.

My son is not at all “in his own world”. He is in this world, where schools and classes reject him, and people constantly underestimate and insult him. He is in a world that doesn’t yet accept or accommodate him, and then blames him for the lack of acceptance and accommodation.

So the fact that my son still ventures into playgrounds after all these awful experiences shows how much stronger and braver he is than most people — definitely stronger and braver than I am. And if my son chooses not to interact with certain people, it is not because he is “clueless”. It is, in fact, because he is hyper-aware of all the discrimination that exists in his daily world.

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Founder @brilliantfishny Support #homeschoolers with #Neurodivergent children. Create curriculum, provide coaching, offer classes. #Acceptance

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