There is no way to vulnerability, vulnerability is the way
Vulnerability comes from the Latin word for “wound,” vulnus. Vulnerability is the state of being open to injury, or appearing as if you are. It is the quality to be easily hurt or attack.
Not being vulnerable is anti human because in our purest condition — namely kids, we simply say, do and show exactly what we think and feel. At this early age, we easily express straight ahead what we have in our brains with no decoration or omission. But then, parents in their obsession to protect us tend to teach us to be strong because being naïve, weak and honest can bring a lot of suffering, it just exposes feelings which then could eventually be hurt and acoording to them that is something to be avoided. To make things worse, our seconds parents, namely school, teach us mathematics, biology, chemistry, literature, grammar, science but there is no subject that could possibly shed some light on how to know ourselves better from a psychological point of view, therefore, we grow up and we grow old knowing a lot of things of the world that surrounds us but we become self awareness dwarves , we are true foreigners in the territory of our brains and we grow a corn around our feelings to, unfortunately, end up being emotionally handicapped. And since being open is something unacceptable, whenever we are crushed by our emotions we tend to shake it off and put the heartbreak in the laundry hamper. Very often we wake up with a sour taste hating everybody including ourselves and we just don’t know where the source of that bitterness is. Evidently, if in our entire lives we have stubbornly accumulated a great load of dirty clothes in the laundry hamper, one day it will begin to sock contaminating our mindset which will prevent us from having a high level of wellbeing. In fact, if we aren’t taught to cope with our emotions we can be as dangerous as opening a pressure cooker after one hour over the very hot burner without releasing the pressure in a safe way. Unfortunately, we have grown so self defensive that at times it seems that our emotional fists are always ready to punch anything that could represent a possible danger. At times, it seems that when we relate to others we haven’t evolved much from pre history. Evidently, there should be a filter in the way we say things and there is where wisdom plays a crucial role to empower us to pick the best way, the best place and the best tone to express our feelings.
I was a specialist in hiding my emotions and I was completely incoherent. When I was sad, depressed or disappointed the only way I knew how to drain my emotions was through aggressiveness because that is the way I was taught at home. In fact, when I look back I feel as if we were people from the caves trying to communicate. Unluckily, I lacked the assertiveness and I paid the price for many years. My process of knowing myself took me a lot of time. It began in 2012 when I decided to follow a psychological treatment for a year but it turned into five years. Miraculously, I discovered that the more tuned in I was with myself the better I understood what I was feeling. Consequently, I moved from the primitive state of feeling and reacting to somethig more complex: feeling, analyzing, being calm and sometimes answering or sometimes just zipping up. Here is the point, since I didn’t have any EQ I had to invest money to get the ABC of the whole thing. Undoubtedly, the deeper the process of self awareness, self acceptance and self respect the more you will try to reach out. There was an inevitable moment when I had an unavoidable drive to reach out and get in contact with human being at a very deep level of love, trust and confidence. Amazingly, I discover the only way to it was though vulnerability.
“There is no way to vulnerability, vulnerability is the way”.
When I had this vulnerability enlightening I decided that the only way to build my relationships was going to be based on this concept and; I was willing to pay the price of suffering because it is impossible to control the reaction of people which can sometimes turn into rejection and betrayal. However, since I started there has not been a single day I regret to have been completely honest with the people who surround me. It is a liberating way of living that freed me from pride and selfishness; sometimes, I feel I have dropped a heavy bag from my shoulders. When I started opening up to my friends I realized that they started opening too and since then I have felt I am constructing genuine relationships with people from the workplace, the church and Latin Americans in and out of France.
Last year I had a student who was a hater and she just decided to show me how much she didn’t like me. She told me in front of everybody in the class how bad a teacher I was and one day she left the room in rage and slammed the door because she didn’t like what all the class was talking about. She was too proud to admit that she didn’t understand as much as the other students but my determination to accept her and show her my friendliness was unchangeable. I wasn’t going to settle. The week finished and she left the school and I thought we had finished in very good terms. However, she sent a letter to the Human Resources department of her company describing me as the worst anti pedagogical teacher she had ever met. She said I put students to suffer and she criticized all what I did. The company sent this email to the school where I work and thank God my coordinator and the director know me well, otherwise, I would have been fired. I have built a good reputation in my four years of service. Even though I wasn’t fired there was a consequence of the email: I will never be able to teach student who come from that specific company anymore. I have to admit that the moment I knew what had happened I felt it was unfair and mean but there will always be haters and my determinations has already been made: I chose to be a peacemaker and a love giver.
Having said this I think I should talk about what vulnerability is not. People have distorted the concept of it wrongly thinking it is weakness, nevertheless , if we analyze it objectively we can conclude that when you decide to be vulnerable you are choosing to wash the dirty cloth that stinks. It takes time to have an honest conversation in order to get things made up, it takes bravery to say what you really feel, it takes courage to be honest and then to accept whatever the other person chooses to do with the information you have just revealed. And this seems difficult because we have been wrongly trained to do exactly the opposite. However, even when there will be times we will inevitably be hurt it still is worth it. Why? It is worth it because it frees us from guilt, selfishness, anxiety, depression and loneliness. This is the best way to reach out people who we really care of.
Will you dare to take a step toward the people who you care of without pretence? Will you have the guts to say exactly what you feel and want instead of masking your emotions? Would you like to be remembered as a distant person or somebody who was unreachable instead of a person who loved no matter what? Imagine you die today, what would people say about you? Would you have any regrets about the way you conducted your life in this world?
News phrases I have incorporated in my language:
I miss you ; I love you ; I need you ; What you said hurt ; I really love being with you ; you are important to me ; I love your friendship ; This moment we spent together is awesome ; Loving you makes me a better human being ; Thank you for being part of my life ; I wish I could stop time and eternalize this very moment because I have so much fun with you; It is nice to share this time with you; your friendship represents a lot to me; When you are not here it is not the same; can we be friends? ; Can I see you this weekend I really miss you?