Letter # 4 to My Best Friend
Dear Ashna,
Obviously I’m horrible for not writing this 2 months ago, but it’s okay because now I’m a graduate (!!) and I’m convincing myself that work-life will somehow be more conducive to routines/free time than school-life, and I’m also convincing myself that as long as we never quit, that’s really what matters, even if we miss a few here and there. Consistency is key, or so they say.
When I was about 13 and discovered the concept of “skinny girl” and started looking up “how to workout” and such things, I was shocked, appalled, let down, disappointed in every way by this universe that “working out” actually had to be maintained. Apparently you couldn’t just develop a bangin’ hot bod from a 6 week shred on Youtube, in your room, with the door locked, and then look that way forever despite never stepping foot in a gym again. The whole thing definitely says miles about the diet industry and instant gratification culture and what it means to be a girl in a society, but we’re not getting into all that now. I’m 22 now and a lot has changed in the almost-decade since that day I made that rueful discovery. Today, despite that fact that I haven’t been to a gym in 2 months (as you can see, that’s when school got the better of me and I stopped doing anything productive other than work), I actually enjoy the idea that working out could be a lifetime pursuit and that I get to take care of myself every day. And something that has taken the pressure off and changed my mindset around health is realizing that bodies are elastic and can/will change. Hearing an athlete say they need to “get back in shape” is highly comforting because it makes me feel alright on the days, even if it’s for 2 months straight, that I fall off the horse, whether that’s about working out, writing our monthly letters, or anything at all. I’m quite alright with the idea that life is just a long compilation of getting back on track. As long as we never forget to get back on, it’s okay to fall off. And that’s all to say, consistency is key. Or so they say.
Anyways, I LOVE your take that maybe the end is the middle. It really reminds of this quote by Pablo Neruda, (which I’m pretty sure I saw in Taylor Swift’s All Too Well music video): “Love is so short, forgetting is so long”. When I was trying to find the exact quote for this letter, I looked up “remembering is so long”, because that’s how I remembered the quote, and funnily I think it means the same thing.
And about dialogue and letters, without knowing anything, I’m inclined to agree that dialogue is more casual and also more prevalent in literature today versus the old days and, although you didn’t exactly say this but I think you agree, I almost feel like it’s a crutch. Obviously it can be done well, but a book that relies too heavily on dialogue gives the same vibes of a movie that relies on narration voice-overs (i.e: every classic teen romcom, all of which I’m a sucker for, obviously). Anyway, I tried to find a definitive answer or study online, but all I found was
- this article about Classic vs. Modern literature, which isn’t exactly what we want since it classifies Modern literature to be “late nineteenth and early twentieth centuries”, but it does say that modern literature was “written, explained, and spoken” and, from what I can take away, about interpersonal things, whereas classic literature was “was focused on inner self and perception” and “more than just dialogues”, citing authors like Darwin and Nietzsche (so real old)
- and this random Quora post which hypothesized that literary fiction (i.e: “good”) relies on dialogue less than “commercial” fiction (i.e: “bad” and for the masses). The answers include a totally unscientific study, courtesy of some guy’s bookshelf, which found that no, dialogue is not more prevalent in commercial fiction and there are actually some key “classic novels” with a lot of dialogue such as Ulysses by James Joyce.
I’d like to hear your theory about social media and dialogue and I wish someone would do some analysis so we’d have an answer.
By the way I think your friend is insane. And I’ve never thought about memory that way, but I like it. It’s comforting to think that even if we forget the plot, we’ll just remember the take aways, or maybe even just that we liked it, which I think could be good enough. Earlier this semester I read this kids book, “When You Reach Me”, which was my favorite book when I was 10. I remembered very little other than the fact that it was my favorite. I don’t even remember why I liked it, but rereading it was wonderful and, although the truth is that it is just objectively a good book, it’s nice reminder of continuity that I still liked it at 21. Sort of like you and Quinn XCII. It reminds of that quote we like from The Catcher in the Rye: “The only thing that would be different would be you”. Different, but also comfortingly continuous I think, even when we don’t remember.
I think you’re doing a great job at beginning. It actually makes sense why you like first impressions; you love meeting strangers like ice-cream lady and PCT boys. I like to tell the story about how we were booking our flights to Seattle in Spring of 2021 and there was an option to pay for choice seating. Obviously you were my first choice, but when you didn’t pick up my call, I ended up coordinating with another one of our friends on the trip and choosing my seat to be next to her. I remember I felt so bad and I texted you apologizing because I had to book my ticket that day. I knew it wasn’t a big deal and that you’d understand, but I laughed when I got your text later saying no worries, you actually wanted random seat selection because you day dreamed about sitting next to a stranger and becoming friends, at least for the flight. I think you’re the person you want to be, making so many new friends, having conversations about dreams, and it’s so wonderful to hear stories about you living in Seattle now.
I’m also really excited about starting in New York soon, probably partly because the possibilities seem endless right now. Endless is the only thing that feels like enough these days. You know, by the beginning of senior Spring, I was already nostalgic for senior Fall. I had a superb senior year and I don’t think I would live it differently, but all of a sudden, halfway through the year, choices had been made, by me, by everyone, by luck, by chance, and we picked the forks in the paths, whether it was conscious or not. I quite understand the appeal of beginnings now. And as much as I like this one, I really wish I could live a million lives. What if we’d studied abroad? What if we hadn’t done tech? What if we’d grown up in India? I don’t want to be a reality star, but what would it be like to be on Netflix? I don’t want to live in a van, but what would it be like to be a travel blogger? I don’t even want to get my PhD, but what would it be like to discover something great? Questions, questions, and no answers. I wish we could be like John and Hank Green and somehow do a million things and be good at all of them.
We do have a beginning coming up though! Cheers to what is probably the last letter of 2022 (unless you’re a madwoman), and I hope 2023 is amazing. One thing I know for sure is that I’ll never tire of talking to you.
Love,
Neha