Manic Love
Ever since I read: “Brain scans of those in love resemble someone with a manic disorder,” I haven’t forgotten it. I have pointed this out to people (when appropriate). I have seen it in others as well as in myself.
The quote above is from a book titled “The Road Most Traveled: 13 Common Mistakes for Making Life Miserable” by the late Dr. Zane Parker Nelson. It is an excellent book, particularly for LDS people (as that is his intended audience).
Speaking of love, the Triangular Theory of Love theorized by Robert Sternberg is insightful:
Sternberg’s theory is that love is a manifestation of one of these traits, various combinations of these traits, or ultimately all traits combined. Consummate love in a relationship is the result of having plenty of each trait. Most love, however, has sides missing or lacking in amount.
There are different names for the combination of the three sides of the triangle: only commitment is empty love, only passion is romantic love, all three is consummate love, etc.
Passion to the extreme:
When one is in the throws of new-love (falling madly in love), one is experiencing the extremes of passion. In such a state, commitment is either assumed or viewed as something to be discussed later. In a manic state, the current moment reigns supreme. Intimacy, or sharing personal insights, is viewed as unnecessary. The two individuals click so naturally, they feel as if they have everything in common. If differences do surface, couples are content to agree to disagree; or minimize the significance of the contrast.
Mania:
Mania, often found within the context of Bi-polar disorder, is an euphoric, sped-up mental state. People in a manic state require less sleep. They tend to make grand plans in conjunction with their grandiose thinking. They feel powerful and larger than life, often being irritable or aggressive towards others. Manic individuals are impulsive: particularly in spending money and having sex.
Recognizing that new-love resembles mania is beneficial to know in and of itself. To supplement, however, I will put forth three manifestations of manic thinking within the context of new-love:
- Confidence in the stability and longevity of the relationship
- Belief that nothing could outweigh the good in the relationship
- A ‘deal with it later’ approach
Confidence
While in this love-manic state, ‘rose-colored glasses’ outlooks dominate. The discounting of any doubtful reservations occurs. “We will last,” is the thought, supported by a euphoric feeling. This is opposed to a “Will it last?” thought accompanied by a negative emotion, which is a thought process one would see in non-manic lovers.
It is important to comprehend the over-confidence people in this state have in the futurity of the relationship. There is not a single doubt. They couldn’t imagine things going bad even if they were told to do so. For the couple, their eventually not being together, or not being in love, is completely nonsensical.
Belief
If anything negative presents itself (a bill, a car wreck, a diagnosis, feelings for an ex etc.) it is discounted. The two in love view anything that may pose a threat to their relationship as minuscule compared to the strength of their love.
Couples may take turns squashing naysayers the other volunteers (being in the early stages of intimacy, the two discuss their biggest fear: threats to their relationship). To the man saying “I still think about my ex,” the woman may say “That’s normal, it will pass, we are okay.” Thus, in mere moments, the concern is satisfied: the man feels understood, validated, and put at ease. The woman is charmed the man opened up to her and warmed by their intimacy. They continue to view their relationship as bullet-proof.
It is possible, though, that neither deems it necessary to bring up potential problems in the first place. They view their love and bond as invincible.
Deal with it later
Someone in a manic episode may purchase something exorbitant on credit, then tell themselves that they’ll deal with any fallout later. In a manic state, the individuals confidence in his/her own ability to take care of issues (including financial situations) is heightened.
As is the case of someone in a manic episode, those in new-love are not concerned with future consequences. Couples may purchase a house, get corresponding tattoos or become each other’s cosigners; in addition to other things that typically involve long-term planning.
In this love-mania, passion and pleasure between the two in the relationship is intensely felt and sought after. Passion and pleasure are sought after as if going slower would drain the feelings; everything must be done immediately.
Passion’s Climax:
It is prudent to reemphasize that those in a love-induced manic state are at the heights of passion; and that passion’s ultimate manifestation is sex. The feeling of love induced mania is intense and stimulating (love has, in fact, been referred to as a drug).
For this reason, a key indicator of manic love is unprotected sexual intercourse. It is possible that neither pregnancy nor birth control has been discussed; yet as the two continue to grow in passion they may engage in unprotected sex (to feel as close to the other person as possible [closeness is felt less when protection is used]). Any reservations regarding birth control or potential pregnancy are cast aside. The act of intercourse feels urgent; having a discussion may damper the passionate feelings. Any misgivings are discarded with a “We can handle anything, we’ll deal with it later, I love her/him so much it doesn’t matter” attitude.
The hourglass of manic love:
The urgency felt between two in the throws of manic-love is telling. The truth is, there is a clock on the feeling of being in maniacal love. Manic-love fades in time, as does passionate love. In a way, those in a rush to do things together (and not be away from one another) are aware that the powerful feeling they are experiencing will not last.
Conclusion:
Being in love is one of the best feelings one can experience. There is nothing wrong with being manically in love. What I hope this article enforces is the need to be cognizant. Cognizant when one is in a manic-love state, and cognizant if someone else is (as to empathize with their constantly being with their partner). Love may be the most powerful drug, but you don’t have to let it get the better of you.
*I am not an expert or professional in mental health or relationships. These are my opinions.*