My Continuing Story
So hi I’m Lauren and this is my story.
I called this “my continuing story” because I am still so young and I have a lot more to experience and to learn. I felt like my story should be shared, so that you, the reader can learn or just read out of entertainment. Every single story on the planet should be shared. So many different people experienced different opportunities that make them the person that they are now which is such a beautiful thing. Your story is worth fighting for.
If you know me you should know I have been bullied all my life. My skin color, the way I walk, the way I talk, it’s all have been made fun of. Now, I know I am not the first to be bullied and in this society it’s hard to fit in but reminder; every story is different. Sixth grade was really when it started, when I was different than all the other girls and I would never understand why people were so mean, I was 12 and still so young. I would cry everyday after school and finally my parents realized it was time for a change. Seventh grade wasn’t much of a change, just a different environment with different kids.
Eighth grade was when I gave up trying to be myself, I let the world overcome me. I made a lot of bad decisions, breaking promises to my friends, my parents, myself, and more importantly to God. It seemed like trying to fit in just made the world hate me more, that’s when I became a bitter and angry little fourteen years old. I didn’t care what I did to others and I didn’t care what people thought of me. I thought if I am being bullied, I should just bully back, which is not a good motto to live by.
I thought high school would be a fresh start and boy was I wrong. Beginning of freshman year people still thought of me as the “rude, annoying eighth grader” and I was still trying to be accepted into the world I lived in. Which affected me dramatically, I got bullied more than ever and at that point I had clue what to do. Let’s talk about the past for a little bit; I used to be a big kid. I weighed 150 pounds and I was bigger than most of the freshman boys. I thought that my body was the problem, so I tried to change it. I have dropped 30 pounds and realizing that didn’t help the bullying at all just made me more upset.
By the time CIY came along, I wasn’t at a good place and you can not imagine how big an impact CIY 2016 had on my life. CIY is a Christian camp my church hosts every year, usually people go for their friends or a free trip to California but not me, not this year. There was this pastor named Mark Moore who really opened my eyes. After CIY I was high on Jesus, I had so many plans to spread the Lord’s message. None my past mattered, it was just Jesus and I.
Sophomore year finally showed up and I was ready, or so I thought. I signed up for AP world history and Chemistry Honors. (I have never done any advanced classes before and for sophomore year I picked the two hardest classes, go me) No one thought I could do it, not even my friends supported me. Everyone wanted to watch me fall instead of helping me up. This made me take a step back in my faith because I put school before everything else in my life. (sometimes, even God) Recently, I have been very stressed with school and I usually do hours of work everyday until I understand the concepts.
No one really know what loneliness is like until they actually experience it. All the people I thought were “real” friends have left from time to time. Crying on thanksgiving and searching through my contacts to find no one I could talk sucked, let me tell ya. I thought I was ready for sophomore year but sophomore year became dark and lonely, so I thought.
Recently, I cried out to God and I said “Lord, I need you. I need to know that you’re with me” and that’s exactly what he did. He didn’t let me die that night, he didn’t let Satan take his toll with me. He said “”you might not have people but you have me.” A verse stuck out to me that night; “And who can win this battle against the world? Only those who believe that Jesus is the Son of God” (1 John 5:5) A week later I met a nice funny girl named Hazel, it’s only been a couple of weeks and she’s already my favorite person/best friend. Couple of days after that I became closer to some friends like Jamie and Haley (and others!!) even my best friend Margaret accepted Jesus’ into her life! God sent out Hazel to be my light, to show me that people do care and accept me in this world. It seemed like everything is falling into place, all the pain and suffering and sadness lead up to this moment; me writing this. This is me breaking my bond with the world, I don’t want to be in this world, I don’t want to be accepted by society, I want to be all in for Jesus, I want to spread his message. Like Paul once said; “My ambition has always been to preach the Good News where the name of Christ has never been heard, rather than where a church has already been started by someone else” (Romans 15:20)
I am still am recovering and since I am human I going to make some mistakes and fall, but I will know God is there with his arms open wide waiting for me, to cry out again and through those falls I will have friends that will build me up and help me in need. It seems to me that much of life is figuring out what to hold on to and what to let go of. Love is something to hold on to, Faith is something to hold on to, Your story is something to hold on to. This life is worth living because you’re loved and made to be loved and made to give love and to experience a thousand of wonderful things. Our stories, our battles, our dreams are meant to be shared. If you just scrolled to the very end I just really want you to grasp on this; Yesterday is dead and over. Wrapped in grace, those days are grace. You are still alive , and today is the most interesting day. Today is the best place to live. Life is worth fighting for, your story is worth sharing. So, don’t give up, don’t give up on your story, don’t give up on the people you love. Hope is real. Love is real. God is real. You’re light is coming soon.
We’ll see you tomorrow.