Unhappy Thanksgiving?

Let’s say you opposed the sitting President and you wanted to use Thanksgiving dinner as a platform to convince your Pro-Sitting-President relatives to switch their vote during the next election cycle. How should you go about it?

Joe Berkowitz at GQ magazine (not a Trump fan) shared a few of his ideas for children who want to do just that with their Trump-supporting parents. Regarding Thanksgiving Dinner, here are a few recommendations:

  1. Don’t show up. For some parents, your absence will speak louder than any sodden arguments over the density of pumpkin pie. If you can’t even look them in the eye, they’ll know you mean business. Besides, Friendsgiving rules.
  2. Show up and be kind of an a******. No hugs; only stiff, formal handshakes. During the football game, talk about police brutality nonstop. Take any opportunity to emphasize just how much Bruce Springsteen and the entire E Street band loathes Trump. Come out as an aspiring professional DJ.
  3. Scorched Earth. Not even a handshake; just stare, disgustedly, at their outstretched arms. Build a wall out of mashed potatoes. During the football game, order 10 Papa John’s pizzas — the official foodstuff of the alt right — and use them as pie charts to demonstrate who benefits most from the GOP tax plan. Refuse to be alone in a room with your mom, citing the Mike Pence rule. Call your parents by a Donald Trump nickname of your choosing — perhaps Little Rocket Mom or Liddle’ Dad. Insist on setting a place for Robert Mueller, the way Jews do for Elijah on Passover. Wear a coal miner hat for solidarity. Punch a cornucopia right in the mouth.

Those of you who haven’t read his article are probably going to assume that he’s being sarcastic, but I don’t think so. I think this dude’s serious. He really believes that some variation of options 1 through 3 will bring a Trump-leaning Mom and Dad over to his way of thinking. In his concluding paragraphs he actually wrote that his methods are “about potentially chipping away at the ~35 percent of un-budging Trump supporters.” Because “Having a son or daughter loathe everything you’ve become is easier long distance; it’s another thing when that kid is staring turkey-carving daggers at you from across the table.”


Joe, buddy, it’s your Mom! You’re really going to stare at your Mom’s outstretched arms “disgustedly?” You really think that being “kind of an A-hole” will help you chip away at the “35 percent of un-budging Trump supporters?” How? Are un-budging Trump supporters going to see you act like an A-hole and think “So let me get this straight, all I need to do is vote Democrat and I can be an A-hole too?”

Come on Joe, that’s nonsense. You have to already know that. Call your editor and find out why he didn’t do his job when you submitted this hit piece on moms, just two days before Thanksgiving. Then issue a retraction wherein you give the following explanation:

Dear Readers,

The other day I told you to come up with insulting nicknames for your mothers in a bid to get them to vote against Donald Trump. That’s a bad idea. If you want to get them to vote against Donald Trump use well thought out, respectfully-delivered critiques of his administration (do this in question form and your odds of success will dramatically increase.) Whatever you do, don’t be an A-hole to your Mom. That’s a bad idea. Sorry for planting it in your head, but I was drunk when I wrote those lines. So was my editor. So was the dude who posted the article. On November 21, 2017, everyone at Gentlemen’s Quarterly was drunk.

Your Friend,

Joe Berkowitz

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