39 years, 364 days young

5:45 a:m

It’s that (…..) alarm again. Only it’s noisier today.

I haven’t got the will power to throw it against the wall. I’ve thought about it, but I don’t know the first thing about fixing sheet rock once I’ve put a hole through it. Secondly, all my contacts, schedules, emails, photos, and my life is in it. I haven’t backed up the phone in over 18 weeks. Literally, everything would be lost.

Hitting the snooze button for a preset time of 7 minutes is only delaying the inevitable. The church bell is still sounding, how very haunting a thing to wake up to 8 years in a row, with slight variations. I slide the screen over to cancel.

For as long as I can remember I’ve woke from the left side of the bed all my adult life. My spectacles go on, my feet slip into my sleepers, I drink my half class of water, do my two minute stretch, head for the kitchen to put the kettle on for some green tea. 7 minutes to boil. 7 minutes to enter and exit the shower.

Life has been quite fluid in general. I, like billions over, have self programmed or been programmed into robotic existence. Predictability, which leads to mundanity and complacency, is the bore bringing early death to the doorsteps of many.

I’m doing it for the last time today.

I like what I do. I help people to see better. But I’m afraid in helping others see I’ve been blinded by my lack of vision. Motivation hasn’t shone my way in ages. I am bland and cavalier. I want to be exceptional in myself, to myself, for myself, so that I can be exceptional for another.

Tonight I will go to bed so that I wake up on the right side of 40 tomorrow morning. The alarm won’t wake me. My body knows it’s clock. I’ve worked 25 years thus far, therefore, I’m taking 25 days off. A day for each year.

Tomorrow, I will open a new chapter, in a new book, written by me, for me. I think it’s a love story, a life story.

I will take from my past the best of me; experiences, all of them, I’ve sorted through them as best I could and will try to make better the next 39 years. I’ll look in the rear view mirror at 79 years 364 days, hopefully, I’ll be happy at what’s trailing me.

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